SIC, you twist me

I'm so confused. My parents need me to transfer to SIC (Indonesian School in Cairo).Why? Because of numerous reasons.
The disadvantages of transfering to SIC:
1.There're certain students in there who couldn't stand my presence (I feel the same way). Cheers.
2. I will attend the same classes with them.
3. I will see their hatred sparks like, for 8 hours everyday.
4. I will have to get up really earlier than usual cuz the school's really far.
5. Far from home and friends.
6. I'm gonna have to wrap my head with scarf cuz it seems that it's essential even though I'm unwilling. Yet.
7. I think there will be difficulties for me to understand Indonesian formal spoken subjects, because I'm not really used to it. Yet. Again.
8. I don't know what's it like there, since most of the teachers are the students' parents.
9. Not to mention they are dad's colleagues at work, so everything I do will be signed, sealed, delivered, reported to him. But that wouldn't be necessary. I'm gonna be nice to everyone, deliberately.
10. My little brother attends the same school so my sister duty is to protect and feed him, even if he blew my secrets. (I'm gonna choke him to death if he does).
1. My ex has got 3 ex girlfriends in Egypt. There's me, and two other girls at SIC , whom I will be in the same class with. Ironic? Couldn't agree more. He'd probably think of it as a practical joke.

I think that's enough.
It's 4 am in the morning and I'm tired. I'm gonna post the advantages some other time.

By the way, merry christmas and happy new year.



Since I'm extremely clueless about why aren't we talking anymore and you being unreasonable and self-centered, I made up my mind:
The hell I'M NOT gonna be the first one to volunteer repairing our relationship, and by relationship I mean us being FRIENDS. And I'm not apologizing for anything since I did completely nothing wrong (except that I sang the My Chemical Romance's I Don't Love You, but that's just after you pretend you don't know me, and considering it again according to our recent situation, half the lines are true.) Because you were the one who blew me off for no reason and you contacted that bitch.
What's funny, I still couldn't get you out of my psyched head despite your juvenile behaviour. I'm starting to think I'm cursed. I mean, what is there to like about you? You're everything but the good things.

I was searching randomly in my computer for any bits of you I've stored long longs ages ago. Probably I missed you.
Like, I found a song(s) you wrote and you once claimed it was inspired by me, which, I still think was a hell of a bullcrap. The last I checked it was modified in Desember 2006. Oh yes, I remember quite well those days. The ones you were being fake.

I don't feel like typing anymore.


I noticed that my previous posts were based on desperate and miserable times of my life. I was even probably exaggerating and over-melodramatic as if it was the end of the world already. Appearing like a character in a soap opera. I'd probably get the oscar award for the best actress.
But anyway, life has lots of ups and downs. I've been down. But I'm rising up. I couldn't stay gloomy all the time. I'm shining, baby, shining! Okay I'm losing it.

All in all, I wish a happy Idul Adha for all of you who're cutting sheeps and cows and all that. LOL.



If you turned the fabric of my life over, I imagined the design on the backside would be woven in the bleak grays of lonesome and diconsolation.

I don't know how to describe this, but in a short note, I'm unhappy.

I wonder what was my flaw? I've been a good girl.
I prayed five times a day.
I was sweating my ass off, got my eyes sore, studying for the monthly exam every night. But my sacrifices were pointless and in vain.
I couldn't get the gestures of a person I love, or so I thought. I'm hopeless dammit.

Are you planning to work this off?
Cause I'm tired of fighting.



Do you believe in karma?
I absolutely do. And it happened to me today, in a good way.
I don't like talking about my personal, I mean, waay too personal stuff going on my life. Je ne peux pas, maybe cuz it's plain boring or I just love being mysterious. HAHA. I've gotta be kidding myself. Allerdings, I'll pass.

weisst du, ich gehe jetzt. Denn ich glaube, I did good in the exam! HA! Deustch macht Spaß.

Herzliche Grüße



I've faced the worst Arabic exam of my life.
HA! Thank God, I screwed up. And my classmates were like shouting my name every two seconds and whispering fiercely number of questions hoping I would spill the answers which, I, myself had no idea. Why do they ask me? Specifically, ARABIC exam which is their own native language. Which they even use to spricht at times like this. This so unreasonable. I mean, if the exam was in Indonesian or other foreign lang. I wouldn't feel so bewildered. But either it's language, maths, social or whatsoever exams, the situation wouldn't vary.
Empty-headed people. And contagious. GEEZ.
I don't know why I'm writing about this. I don't ever wanna remember this time of my life. DAMMIT.



My life turned upside down on a Thursday morning. Thursday horrible hideous morning.
But I'm fully alive now. I know life ain't easy. And I perfectly know, I have friends.



After several talks..

C : "Why're you quiet today, cow?"

N : "You want me to be noisy, sweetheart?

C : "....."

N : "You okay?"

C : "I'm fine. You're the one who's being weird."

N : "I do love you."

C : "Used to."

N : "What's wrong with now?"

C : "It doesn't show."

N : "Gotta go."

N has left the conversation and will receive...

Oh what the fuck. History repeats itself sometimes.


I have a bad cold that I blow my nose every two minutes, I probably used two or three boxes of tissue. It's causing me an excruciating painful headache. And I can't talk, cause I can't breathe through my nose. Gee, don't feel disgusted, I still look pretty. (HA! Now you're satisfied.)
Thank God I'm done with my period.
That reminds me, mom forced me to skip school and stay in bed tomorrow. Shit. I have Nicky's math notes which I'm supposed to bring tomorrow.
Just, how could this get any worse?
HOW, GOD? *melodramatic mode's on
Okay, I need more tissues.



Dear ____,

I know how you doing, just now we were online talking bout you wanting me to be your girlfriend even if I lack the ability to be a musician (what you want your dream girl to be) and you straightly went off,and I'm quite sure that you're not gonna bring up that topic in our upcoming conversation again. You've always been like that. You tell me you love me, but tomorrow you act as if you've never said so. Your behaviour is as much as bewildering, sometimes you're being rude for no reason and the next hour you begin to feel pity and reach me with kindness. It brings me to think of what I feel for you, if I love you or not. And if I get lost, I would begin to wonder if you love me truly, or if I'm just a common girl you're toying with.
You bring me a great sensation, a wonderful feeling without you realizing it.
I notice that we've been getting along better lately, you constantly surprise me with what I can't imagine you still recall of our history background, when we were holding hands tightly.



At school, we have this annual Best Class contest. Yes, I know, so typically tedious isn't it? Though, this time was quite fun. Nearly.

Art class.

Katy: (talking while distributing some torn paper to each of us) Guys, I need you each to write on the piece of paper I handed, what theme would you pick based on our class decoration. You could mention anything that crossed your mind. Fashion, music, football, etc. But please hurry up. I'll be collecting them in less than two seconds."

Oh well, at least she knew something about democracy.

(after two seconds, approximately not)

I wrote music, by the way. It's the first natural thing that had 'crossed my mind'.

Katy: Ok, guys. Lots of you have chosen fashion. So that's it, fashion it is. (smiling ruefully)

I could tell she was obviously satisfied. But, oh gimme a break, you guys. Is there ANYTHING but fashion? I mean, fine, fashion isn't that bad, I wasn't totally rejecting the damn idea particularly. Okay, maybe just a teeny tiny bit. But, gosh, fashion is just so friggin girlish with girls wearing bizzare clothes and glittering make-ups that itches and all that. You know what? I admit, I like, no, I absolutely ADORE european, american and asian fashion. They just make sense and look fab and not lame.
In contrast with arabian fashion. I don't know why, but everytime I pass by shops in Cairo and caught a glimpse of a cool piece of cloth behind glass, I would check at how much it costs and where it's made from. Frequently, it reads 'made in China', or as a matter-of-factly 'made in Indonesia'. In that circumstance, I usually all of a sudden feel greatly proud of being an Indonesian. Like, 'Wow, this is what my country has accomplished. It's what they're professionally expert at. They'd just built this new department store in Jakarta where it sells clothes designed by ancient Indonesians.'
Yeah, right. Except that it's burned up now. Burned to ashes. The terrorist of Bom Bali did it.
Anyway, I just don't normally pick any item that says 'made in Egypt, by the pharaos'.

Seriously, this falling in love thing is getting me nowhere but to craziness. I wonder how that relates to fashion mode. Guess I get what they mean now when they say,
crazy lil thing called love. Except that I don't care. Or at least trying hard not to.



Geez. I feel dizzy, and noxious. I'm having period. God, why in the world did I mention that? My mood has been really cranky today. I can't stand talking to anyone. Even mom. Plus, I skipped school. I don't like skipping school, I always have to check what they took when I was absent. And my condition is soo not fit in doing so. Gosh, my head is throbbing.

I'm so grateful. I made friends at school. I mean, kind friends. Friends who I hang out with daily. Friends who stick with me for nothing. I'm not intending to have close friends. But they're ok.

I got this thing sent from Crystal. Let's get this over with.

Six Random Things About Me
1. I'm neither tomboy, nor feminine.
2. I'm Indonesian, but I don't speak very well.
3. I hate my hair.
4. I have weird feelings whenever I talk to my ex.
5. I wear thick glasses, which makes people think I'm smart (or dork). But I'm not.
6. I hate living in Egypt.

Six Random Things I Like
1. Cinnabon, world's famous cinnamon rolls.
2. Maths. Maths is heaven on earth.
3. Electronic devices, laptop, computer, cellphone.. whatever, you name it.
4. Play music. Gosh, it feels blissful whenever I touch those strings.
5. Fiction movies and novels. Unrealistic but entertaining.
6. Photography, though I'm bloody sweating my ass trying get a appreciative shot.

Six Random Things I Don't Like
1. Bitches. I mean, real fucking bitches who know nothing but showing their fucking fake acts just to get boys.
2. History. Never got along with it.
3. Winter. Defers my shower time. Then, I'll stink.
4. Out of credit. Which is needed for my cellphone to be connected to networks. How can I survive a day without internet at school? Unbelievable, I can't imagine putting myself into that.
5. Having my period. Sucks like hell. Brings nausea.
6. Roller coasters. Fast and high. Perfect. NOT.

Six Quirky Things About Me
1. Wear caps at home, or outside. Makes me feel cool. LOL.
2. Tear off my lips' skin when it's dry. Bloody disgusting.
3. Sketch musicians when I'm bored.
4. Think of my feelings. If I love him or not. But I usually end up asleep.
5. Sleep after school.
6. Play "Warmness on the Soul" on piano, Avenged Sevenfold's. Never missed a day.

Six Things That Make Me Happy
1. Spending time with them.
2. Figuring out a specific song's keys.
3. Getting what I've been wanting for ages. Satisfaction. (e.g: currently waiting for Twilight movie, which is coming in less than a week)
4. Good weather.
5. New cool clothes that suits my taste.
6. Pure victory.

Six People To Forward
1. Ririn
2. Hasna
3. Lia
4. Lynn
5. Nisa
6. Nashe

P.S: This isn't an obligation.


Gw lgi di xul skrg. Bete abis gw hahaha. Sengaja gw tulis pke bahasa indo biar temen2 gw yg di kelas gk ngerti. Hahah setan abis.
Ni temen gw duduk deket gw drtd pengen bisa baca bahasa indo tapi lemot banget tampangnya terus kalimat yang keluar malah blak2an jadi bahasa yg gk mirip bhs indo. HAHHA. Kocak abis ni orang2 mesir.

Niwei, gw bete nih ga ada kerjaan di pelajaran komputer. Mestinya tadinya ada quiz, tapi sejak gak ada yang belajar, yah jadi gitu deh, paham kan kan kan.. geje emang. Hahah.
Oiya, terus tadi gue disuntik Vaccine. Anjrot sakit bgt. Ya sedetik doang sih pas suntikan itu masuk di kulit gw. Kata my nyokap, kalo disuntik gak boleh panik, kalau anda panik, suntikan itu akan terasa sakit. Jadilah gue dengan jantung yang super deg2an, mikirin hutan2 hijau dan burung2 berkicau. Ngaco emang wkwkkw.
Dah ah bosen ngisi ginian di kelas. Abis ini ada quiz filosofi lagi. Bangke abis tu guru ARRRHGHH. Tpi setidaknya gak ada guru bahasa Jerman. Dia bikin ngantuk.
Got over the worst.



It's been awhile since I've been meaning to create a 'to do' list with colored paper and colored pens to raise my sensation. I've got tons of work undone thanks to my infinite homeworks and quizzes. Otherwise I'm just lazy or not in the mood. For instance, take a look at my room..
Okay I changed my mind; don't look. I could lose my self respect. I'll just find words that's close to describing it, since it's... okay I'm speechless. It's overwhelmingly messy, looks like it was raining- clothes. Wow, I've just spotted my Calvin Klein underwear (you must be vomiting, can't blame you really). It's like a cave man's room who had just came to a city acknowledging how-to-make-myself-at-home. Except that he has underwears made of stone.
Okay, that obviously must be written at the top of the list with a red marker, meaning urgent, or emergency. Emergency suits it more.

To be continued. I'm sleepy. Funny, I was already sleepy an hour ago and the reason why I'm not asleep yet that I've been waiting for a specific person to show up, I'm not supposed to be waiting for him. I was beginning to get used to our midnight talks and now all of a sudden it halts. Fine, suit yourself. Now I'll never go to sleep. Na-night.



Err.. I don't know what to type really. I just had the urge to post somethin. This is unimportant. I advice you not to waste your time reading my garbage.

I've just watched "So You Think You Can Dance", man that show was awesome. Showed plenty of super talented dancers that fascinated the judges and entertained the audience (including moi, of course), and also they usually let famous singers and bands perform live on the stage once in two shows (last night was Katy Perry!).
Looks like I'm promoting, hahah never mind, since I've got nothing to blab.
Oh, right. I've fixed internet on my cellphone, so if I get bored (or not) I could go online in a matter of seconds. Now it's like, I'm 24 hours online. I'm even online in my dream. Hahahah, okay I'm getting nuts. Byes.



I don't get her. I mean, she's my mom. What? Couldn't she trust her own daughter, for God's sake?!

Sorry. Off topic.

Physics turned out to be a piece of pie, by the way. That's just weeks ago, coz I haven't been having a slight chance to post anything. I haven't really been busy. Just lazy.

This weekend I was supposed to go out, as usual, girls night out. Sounds girlish. Yuck. Anyway, you get my point. But suddenly I feel like a bitch. Like it's inappropriate, ya kno. I think I must decrease the percentage of hanging out. Well, yes I admit a few weekends ago I just get fiercely exhilarated and impatient for the weekend to come, but all that I intended was to get together. And now it's messed up. D'oh. Fine whatever. Go with yourselves.


Yiruma - River Flows in You
I heard a rumor that, this song will be played in Twilight as Bella's lullaby. Oh well, we'll see then. But either way, listen to it, a calming and serene piece. Matches it's title.


Oh WOW, people! It's been ages, hasn't it?
But honestly, I don't feel like typing right now. No reason. Right now, I feel content. I don't have anything to bother, even my physics exam, which will come tomorrow. I studied well, anyway, considering only chapter one and two that's entering.
This week had been so hectic and depressing, though there were some hilarious exceptions. My brain was divided into two parts, one was about people, the other was about maths, physics, Deustch, Arabic, etc. For ten whole days, there was nothing at school but EXAMS.

Deustch Exam: First time I received the paper, I scanned all of the words, searching for anything I don't understand, found nothing. It went really smooth, until the teacher said, "Those who've finished the first paper, hand it over, because you will receive the Deustch A.L (Advance Level) paper." PANIC. Panic ran rapidly over me. There's another?! I just thought I got over the worst. But I managed, anyway. I just left three sentences that I couldn't figure out in some dialog. Oh what the heck.

Philosophy Exam: I know! Isn't that beyond normal? A philosophy subject? UGH. But it's not as hard as you think, really. Although it's boring, but it's just plain easy. I got a full mark at this one. All I can say, I don't ever wanna be a philosopher.

Maths Exam: Gosh. This one's the easiest exam of the week. Simple and plain! I don't know why my classmates cried over it. I mean, it didn't even look like an exam. I won't let my hope get high, I might have done a mistake, and i'll be way down.

English A.L (Advanced Level) & O.L (Ordinary Level) Exams: Ah. This one might have taken years to be finished answering. It was very very long. Pain in the ass. But we've all passed. It was easy too. It just took time, like 3 hours.

Arabic Exam: The most frustrating. I think my worst mark is Arabic's. I could give you thousands of reason. But I'll short it out; Arabic is just NOT my type. If I could give away any subject in this world (except history), Arabic is my definite choice. I will NEVER hesitate.

What else? I forgot. Oh yeah..

Geography Exam: I didn't expect this to be a piece of cake. It's just the most lead piped geography exam I've ever seen. Though, I think I made three mistakes. But still. It's miraculous.

Physics Exam: Coming soon. LOL.

Let's change topics now. Guess what? There're two males in my head. And I'm stuck between them. I'm stuck between my feelings. I don't know if I'm falling in love or not. I just know that "falling-in-love" is something real, something serious. I don't get it coz I'm still a child. Marriage is at the end of my agenda. Gee, I went far.
Anyway, no matter what, I don't ever wanna lose any of them. I know they love me. The first one loves me as a sister. I think. Not more. But at least he loves me, right?
The other loves me like more than a friend. He claimed that. But I don't trust people easily. If he really does, he will prove it somehow, whatever it takes.

Change topics.

Last weekend. Me and my friends went out as usual. Instead of practicing basketball, we went to Costa Coffee. You know, just chilling out. And then there was something weird. One of my friends didn't feel like talking to us, and we don't know the actual reason. We assumed that maybe she was really not in the mood. But my other friend got annoyed and said, "if she wasn't in the mood, why'd she bother to come, then?" And since then, none of us talked to her. Now I feel bad and embarrassed coz it has been awhile since I've talked to her and worst of all, she's my best friend. UGH. Whatever.

Change topics.

I've lost my number. I think it fell accidentally in the taxi while I was getting back home from Costa with the others.

Okay, enough. I'm tired. Zzzzzzzzzzz. See you, people. Have a nice life.
Keep your loved ones close.



I feel so bad. I'll mention about it later. Maybe.

Was a long day. I went to Fadyla's coz we had a Maths lesson together. And then we ran to Citystars Mall, Fadyla wanted to ask the Virgin store's Apple corridor staff on how to sync videos to her iPod. She's new to all this stuff about iPod and my knowledge was only limited to 2 GB iPods.
Anyway, the salesman gave her directions and websites. After we've finished we sat at Costa Coffee. I don't know why, but every weekend I must find my self spending money at this cafe, ordering the same order: Coffee Frescato with chocolate and Brownies topped with one vanilla ice-cream ball.
It's just mouthwatering and it excites me whenever my order came. Also, at Costa Coffee, I needn't to concern about the total amount. It's far cheaper than Starbucks. But, of course, Starbucks' drinks are invincible!
Fadyla wanted to order salad, but none of them she liked. So picky. Haha. Anyway, she switched her laptop on, it was weird, you know, sitting and having a laptop on our table in a public place, and what's more weird, no one, as I recall, carried laptops. I mean, don't you think we, the young ones, were too young to carry this really specially expensive electronic device? I mean, we both don't even have a job. Our jobs are students. Who has bloody monthly exams coming this week, and haven't even studied a word. Yet, here we were, acting as frivolous as ever, fooling our heads and people, sitting with a laptop at Costa Coffee. Oh, the irony.
What's more stupid, we couldn't find a wireless network, it's all secured. Ugh. That maybe what we deserved by showing off to people. Well, I wasn't exactly the one who did. I just was a part of it.
Anyway, we just sat and talked and looked at pictures for half an hour, then we went off. Fadyla had other plans, she had to run off to her schoolmate's house to have an Arabic lesson. She completely didn't understand the subject. I had plans with Dede and the rest, we didn't point out where to go exactly, the matter was just to get together. I went home first, coz Dede was gonna come. Then, we both went to Genena Mall. (I think I went to three different malls that night without stopping to buy anything, just walking and junketeering, most tiring). We just stopped by every gift shop to see cute things, but every time we glanced at the price tag, we both deliberately thought that it didn't look that cute. Till we reached this clothes shop, there was this stunning tops that Dede wanted to try, so she ran to the fitting room. Then she called me to see her in it, the first time I looked, I laughed instantly, I'm giggling incoherently as I'm typing this now, remembering how she looked. Hahaha. She laughed too, anyway. And suddenly I saw Ochan in the wall mirror. He laughed too at the first sight. Gosh he just appeared like that, like a ghost. Dede laughed and was a bit embarassed that she quickly pushed me out and pulled the curtains to change.
After that we went to the top floor, the games floor. At first we intended to play table tennis, so I could practice, you see. But they said they lost the ball. So we played arcade games. Some punching game, basketball shooting and some sort of like hockey table. It was fun, we laughed quite a lot.
Just when we were heading to the mall gate, we caught Lynda, she was just entering the mall, so we called her and she headed to us and the four of us went to the gate. And just when we were on the stairs, we met K'Edo! Wow, the coincidence. He was just going in to the Mall's pharmacy to buy a hair straightener medicine and he told us to wait for him coz he was gonna come along. It only took 5 minutes or so till he came into view again. And so the five of us headed to Sarrag Mall. Coz there was just no table tennis ball in here.
By the time we've reached, we went upstairs to the table tennis section. They were all full and we had to wait half an hour to get a table. So we reserved one and instead of waiting there helplessly for half an hour, we explored the mall. We were in a clothes shop wondering aimlessly when Sadam suddenly appeared in the store's front glass. Oh it turned out that K'Ochan told Sadam where he was on the phone, and Sadam decided to come. It was nothing bizarre. The boys were like partners in crime, anyway. I won't be shocked if I received news that they're getting married, or K'Ochan cheated on Sadam and ran off with K'Icca.
So, anyway, after that, we went to the table tennis room again coz half an hour has passed swiftly. I played non-stop. I was really concentrating and I was trying really hard not to hit the ball strongly, or hit the ball twice, or even miss the ball. I was sweating and tired and kept asking questions about rules and scoring to Sadam, coz he knew a lot about it. Or maybe the all knew. I was the only old fashioned here, maybe that's why K'Icca challenged me in this. UGH. The bastard.
It wasn't an hour yet, but mom & dad were already waiting for me to pick me up in front of the mall. It was already late. I think it was eleven something, approaching midnight. But that wasn't considered the-most-late-hang-out record. I mean, we once hung out till sunrise on the street walking aimlessly.
Anyway, that's all about yesterday.
Except, one thing I haven't mentioned. I did the bloody bet.
It was so difficult. I didn't know how to put the words perfectly. So I decided to say what I really feel, what I wanted to say if it weren't necessary. Done.
I feel so guilty. It's like I've done a big sin, and I'll never be forgiven. *big sigh*

By the way, Dad's gonna go to Indonesia tomorrow. I want so many things from Indonesia, but he's going there to work. Despite him saying "write a list of everything you want", I still feel uneasy. I know he's just my dad, but you see, I've never been really close to him. Em, if you've read Twilight, me and my dad are like Charlie and Bella. Except that Renee is with us.

Okay, done here, gotta go study.



I'm so dead bored and sleepy.
Thursdays had always been my favorite day of the week. But today was an exception. Oh well, nearly an exception.
As I said in one of my previous posts, we leave class early every Thursday. So today school passed swiftly.
And then, I wasn't going home directly. I decided to drop by KKS. I intended to get my friend's novel book which I'd borrowed and which I'd let someone who lives in KKS borrowed (I bet you're confused already. Haha), I'm not sure if you could call that a sentence, though. LOL.
So, KKS is a bit far from school. I had to take two buses. Or at least a bus and a mini one. At first, there wasn't any part of me that felt scared or nervous. I might get lost or be kidnapped. Mind you, KKS is located in a neighborhood famously called "The Tenth Neighborhood". Don't ask me why. Anyway, currently, there're many burglars, thieves, muggers and kidnappers wander around in the Tenth Neighborhood. Also, they're black bad guys. I don't support racism. They just happen to be black people, apparently from Somalia. They usually attack and spread at night. This is one of the most essential thing to concern if you pass by this scary area. Never walk alone in an empty street.
I wasn't concerned about the Black Somalian gangsters. It was still noon.
I arrived at KKS, no one I knew were there. So I waited for anyone who I recognized. And when I've realized I had waited so long, I lost my patience, I decided to call. The person that I wanted to take the book from was out, but he was heading here now and was already close. So I waited again. After what seemed like forever, he finally appeared and immediately ran off to his room to get the goddamn book. Just when he handed it to me, I said, "Thanks. I'll go home now."
Yeah I was making it obvious that I was in a hurry. Which, I wasn't.
He replied, "Aren't you gonna play tennis table first before you go?"
I forgot to inform you about this dopey crap.
K'Icca & I decided to do this silly tiny competition. Tennis Table. Which was supposed to be done today. But he happened to be sick because he shaved his head (I know, this isn't making any sense. Don't blame me.) The winner gets anything that he wants from the loser. Any amends. Anything.
The whole KKS probably knew about this. Coz K'Icca is quite close with most of them. KKS got a tennis table. Just perfect for practice.
I changed my mind about going home.
"Of course! Omg, I totally forgot about it!" I exclaimed. So I practiced one hour. Coz I got tired immediately tryin to hit the tiny ball with the goddamn tiny racket. Or whatever it's called. I tell you, it wasn't a success. I was clearly positive that K'Icca would beat me in this rattlebrained thing. My mind was already full of defeat.
Anyway, after I've finished "practicing", I went to take a mini bus. My money was getting shorter. I was afraid I was out of money. How the hell am I gonna get home without cash?
I took another bus and reached home, safe and sound, with completely empty pockets. Relief crept over my body.
No one was home. Lonely, I'm Mrs. Lonely. (Sigh)
I assumed me and my friends would go out tonight. Just gathering and chilling out. But each of them had plans or weren't allowed to get out of their house. Crap. I'm lonelier than ever. Bored as hell. Thank God, laptop and a free wireless saved my soul from dying. I had a frivolous chat with Najip. We talked about mature things like marriage, where'd you wanna spend your honeymoon, s*x, clubbings, etc. I rarely, like, occasionally talk about these things, especially with boys. As far as my human brain could remember, the last time I discussed about these was with Wildan. My best friend who currently lives in Indonesia. He knows every secret, no matter how personal it is, in me. Najip is not so distinct. Except the way he talks, almost like a retired chemistry professor. But he's interesting.
Enough, I'm very very sleepy now. I doubt that I could hold myself for the next six seconds.
Auf wiedersehen!



I've got fifteen minutes time to let you be updated on my tedious life.
I got really close to the chick who sits next to me at class. I've been to her house. I've seen her mom, her sister, her neighbor(s) and her boyfriend. Whom she's going to ditch.
Now that I realize, transferring to a new school seemed harder than I imagined. I thought that it was only about the people and the subjects. UGH. People are so damn nice, even those who aren't in the same classes with me. It's like meeting a bunch of relatives.
The lessons were fine. They just need to be memorized and studied in constant period.
The whole dilemma is, you see, I don't feel intimate or any sense of belonging at school even though they treat me well. I miss my old school. I miss it more that I thought I will. I miss my former classmates, whom I hadn't really been close to any. It's like moving to another planet. Meeting different kind of aliens. Oh I know, I know, it's just a matter of time. What a bunch of crap they say.

I read a book called The Confessions of a Shopaholic, which, according to what I've acknowledged, they're now making a movie of it, I think it's made though, just waiting to be released. It's a great book, it introduced me to a lot of famous brands of clothes.

"Cause I'm lonely, and I'm tired.. I'm missing you again..."



So, people, how do you like my new skin?
Gray colors give me high sensations! Not to mention the small picture of the cake right up there.

Okay, bout today. Nothing was really special. But it was sorta one of my favorites.
I'll tell you why.
First, school was nice. The girl who sat next to me talked over and over bout her boyfriend.
Everyday classes end at 3. Except Thursday, which was today, classes end at 1:3o. Now that's fwuantuastic.
And then it took me only a bus to get home. Usually i rode twice. Which was tiring.
But there was just one flaw in this favorable day.
No one was at home, and I didn't have my house keys. DARN.
So I went down to phone mom, whose phone was turned off as I seemed. Called dad and told him I'm gonna go to Lynda's house. Then I called Lynda, to see if she was home or not.
When I just got there, seemed that she had just woken up. Anyway, she talked to me about things. Everytime she tells me about her private life, I feel like she's the closest person on earth to me. I could barely keep a secret from her.
She finished talking and was busy with her cell. She laid her chest against the quilt and I laid my head on her back. Then I fell asleep. And woke up at seven in the evening. I found no sign of Lynda, her sister said that she had a private lesson outdoor. I decided to call my parents, see if they were already home or not. Turned out that mom was shopping with her boss and Dad would pick me up in minutes, he was on his way now.
Lynda, Fadila and I were planning to hang out that night. So when I got home. I quickly changed for a shower. Dad was gonna go out to meet some friends of his, so he suggested to give me a ride. Thank God. My mind had still got no courage to ride a random taxi at night alone.
Lynda sent me a text message that she was at McDonald. Dad was gonna go there too, my lil brother wants to hold his birthday party there. According to Lynda's text message, she was in the second floor. So I went up. And I saw that Lynda wasn't alone. There was K'Ochan and K'Icca there too. Thank God -again- that dad didn't have to go upstairs to arrange his son's tenth birthday party. Otherwise he'd bring me back home or make me go with him to meet his boring friends with all his phony friendliness. He hated his daughter the idea of hanging out with boys. Oh you know how their age was like. When he was a teenager he wasn't allowed to date girls, or likely interested. It was considered as a sin. But now, we say we're humans. No human is without a sin. The slight difference is that we just make more amount of sins than they did.
Back to the topic, spending time with the Siam Twins (Who're K'Ochan & K'Icca) means to be as immature as you like, but in a fun way. Know that quote that says, "I'm not immature, I just know how to have fun"? Yeah, something similar like that. My point is that you'll always laugh whenever you're with them. They tell funny things and they're humorous at an excruciating degree. I wish they'd make a comedy show. K'Ochan likes to record things with his all-time cam. (Visit his blog, click here to see it. It's totally worth it. Haha, K'Ochan, Karina promosi nih. Huehheuhe :P). K'Icca generally, loves guitar and head over heels a fan of Kurt Cobain's Nirvana. He said Nirvana was the band which inspired him playing guitar.
Anyway, they made my night. Fadila eventually came too and we took some pictures that I'll put it later when I'd got them.

The bet? It's still undone. Last night I was online in Lynda's cellphone to observe if he was online or not so I could get this over swiftly. It's so bugging me. The only thing that I'm afraid of is, do you think he'd be cross? Anyone doesn't like to be manipulated. Oh I swear I'll finish this.



Grr. Nowadays I don't feel like posting. I'm bored. My life is too boring to be written here.

School days are fine.
I'm beginning to feel settled, maybe because of one thing. I met someone who was in the same class with me in Junior High. I just saw her today at the stairs while we were on a school break. Although I didn't really like her, but she seemed friendly, maybe because she's new. Oh you get my point.
The girl who sat next to me started talking. She wasn't as silent as before, she started joking and muttering eventually. And she was still helpful.
My school food court has got a MENU. Unbelievable. They've got slices of pizza, sandwiches, cookies, and more cookies! But none of them were given to us for free.
Deustch, seems more difficult than I thought. Look at what I learned to write in Deustch:
Ich heißt Karina, ich bin fünf zehn jahre alt. Ich habe ein bruder, er ist Ahmad, er ist neun. In der freizeit, gitarre spielen.

LOL. So that means, my name is Karina, I'm fifteen years old. I have a (dork) brother, his name is Ahmad, he's nine. In free time, I play guitars.
If you know how to speak Deustch and found mistakes on what I've written, please report. You see, I'm an amateur in Deustch :P

My soul is half wary.
First of all, my two best best friends went back to Indonesia just today. And I couldn't go to the airport to wave them both goodbye 'cause I had school. Crap. I feel lonely now.
What's more, I'm sleepless, I couldn't sleep. It takes me an hour or more to get to sleep even if i'm sleepy.
What's worse, me and Linda made this stupid bet. I forgot whose idea was it. Anyway, Ecce has an ex in Cairo, they look like they still had something, you know. Well, i was exactly positive that her ex would take her to the airport, but Linda thought the exact opposite. So that was the bet. If I was to win, Linda would confess love to her admirer whom she felt disgusted with. If I was to lose, I would confess love to my ex, whom I'm not sure if I was in love with or not. It all revolves around him, he's so cryptic.
Anyway, Ecce's ex nose (not to mention the rest) didn't appear at the airport. I just knew that he flew to Hongkong 'cause his granny is medicating there. So, now I'm doomed. DOOMED. I shall confess A.S.A.P to get this over with!

I miss my band rehearsals.



I haven't been me today. No, I don't mean being a hypocrite.
To begin with, I wrote posts in one day. Something I'd never intended to do.
I called the person who I literally have no idea how I feel about him, even though I never had the courage to do so, it was an instant desire of my instinct.
I bought expensive shoes, which costs more than double of my monthly salary and turned my thick wallet into pennies. It was worth it. That's what makes it bizarre; no regrets.
I hadn't thought of any Twilight characters -Edward Cullen was included, astonishingly- in the entire 24 hours. Well, now that I've mentioned it deliberately, my thoughts are back with the Cullens. I'm thinking of Renesmee now. LOL.
And several things that I needn't have to claim. Such an exhausting day, yet it was one of the best days of my life. Well, yeah, maybe it's uncountable, but if I tried hard to recall, it would do a flashback in my mind.

After I wrote my post about calling "The Guy", dad ordered me to dress up for a visit to the Ambassador's house, which is in KBRI (Kedutaan Bangsa Republik Indonesia). It was an open invitation, anyone could come, casual clothing. So my friends and I decided to meet there. And, since the Embassy lies beside the Nile River, we determined to have a walk there because the party was just dull and dry as dust. We also took billions of photos. Haha, exaggerating, but it seemed so.
When we saw a yacht rent store, we couldn't help but to rent one. The beauty and the elegance of the Nile River at night seduced us. The glittering lights of the buildings ahead. The motion of the graceful cruisers on the river. The rhythm of the wind blowing the trees on the side of the river.
Okay, enough scene description, I suck at doing it.
Anyway, we rented a yacht for an hour, and took pictures again on it with all of our most possible formed poses.
And then, we went to Pizza Hut to get a tasty delicious slices of pizza to stuff our empty stomach. Ecce's treat. Hahaha. I'm so thankful.
And that's that, we got back home after that. No more journeys,, we already fell asleep on the way back in the back seat of the public transportation we rode.

Here was what had surprised me the most.
There's this boy called.. Ok no real exposed names. Let's just call him Tom.
Tom is the head of ambassador's son. He was younger than me by a year or two. I've known him long enough, but I wasn't so close to him. So everytime we meet, we just smile at each other in a friendly way. Usually, he jokes about Chinese people's accents when they speak English. All in all, he's a kind friend who always displays a debonair grin whenever we have to face each other.
I saw his figure when I was searching for a friend, and there his smile on, automatically without any sign of deliberation. I smiled back, of course, knowing it was our little ritual. And then he was walking to me, and started talking about funny stuff that was supposed to make me laugh, well, I did laugh, though. And then we had to disjoint realizing we each had some plans to do.
The party went on and on, and it soon was close to an end. My friends and I were preparing to go to the Nile just according to what we've planned already.
And when I was just heading out, Tom stopped me and said,
"Hey Karina, I was just.. I was just wandering what you're.. what you're going to do tonight.. you see.. me and my big brother..we're going to Citystars-" the mall which is in my neighborhood,"-tonigh to buy a new white tie for me.. you know.. for my performance in October..and my brother really wants to see what Citystars look like."
He ended talking. It took me awhile to realize that he was asking me to go with him. How stupid.
"Oh!" seeming to remember something that came up, "I'm sorry, I think I'm going out with them-" pointing to my friends' group ahead, "-I'm really sorry, Tom."
Okay that's it, that's what I remember. What's left is forgotten.
I feel like a dufus, I should've said "Have fun" or "Good luck on finding a neat tie". I don't remember saying any of that which makes me feel I'm a mean, careless person.
Ugh. Never mind. I'm gonna send him a comment on friendster about his tie shopping.


O GOD. O GOD. O GOD!!!!!
God, I can't describe this bumpy feeling! I feel.. happy.. so happy.. excited.. GLORIOUS.. EXHILARATED.. I COULD SEARCH FOR EVERY MEANINGFUL WORD THAT MEANS "HAPPINESS" IN EVERY LANGUAGE!!
I'm hyperventilating now. There're dozens of butterflies twirling in my stomach. It's such a graceful, beautiful feeling. My mind is spinning. I can feel the powerful urge of screaming out of joy, because crying isn't enough to express it. Feels like nothing further could ruin this perfect day of my life!
This is so unbelievable. Okay, I have to restart my heart first before I begin.
I know I just posted a loco shit just half an hour ago.
I had made my decision, I called him.
I was shaking so bad when I held the phone, I couldn't stay still. I had to walk here and there to calm my senses and had to type his number twice, I got it wrong at first because of my trembling fingers.
Where the heck is he???
I'm dying out of shivers here.
Tut tut tut tut.
No Answer.
Damn!!!!!, I thought. So I tried again, this time I had a little control.
It was the third ring when a woman's voice said, "Hello?"
SHIT. I shut the phone off expeditiously. I started shaking again. A woman? My thoughts were wandering in confusion. I started talking to myself about this unexpected incident and the probability of who she is.
Maybe she's his mom, or any of his family. Could possibly be his new girlfriend. But he would tell me if he had one, wouldn't he?
Before I was started to go insane, I decided to call him again. Maybe when he recognized my mother's number he knew I was calling, so he gave his phone to any of his girl family to trick me. I wouldn't give up if he did that. He'll think I'm a coward or whatsoever. So I was going to prove the exact opposite by redialing his number.
I started redialing again and again but it wouldn't connect. I was frustrated that I messed up my hair with one hand and the other was pressing the stupid buttons hopelessly.
Till finally, it worked.
Please pick up.
Finally! A male voice!
"Er..Hello? Is it you?"
What a stupid question.
"Who's this?" he asked back.
"You don't recognize my voice?!" I shouted, hysterical, awkward.
"Oh it's you! Hahhahaha.." God, his voice was so magical even though he's not an immortal vampire.
"Haha, stupid. Your voice hasn't changed a bit." Here my line comes. Awkward as I felt.
"Really? Yours too. Hahahha." Oh the sound of the ringing bells.
"But yours seem like an old man's." I have to humor, or else it will be just a boring call.
He laughed and teased me.
"Where's your boyfriend?" he asked.
I wasn't surprised, he asks that frequently whenever he gets the chance.
"I've got none. Where's your senior? HAHAH."
That's something private that he told me. But funny.
"Yikes, shut up!"
But I enjoyed this so much.
"How are you?" he asked again.
What's with me? I had to check myself if there really was something.
"Told you I'm fine like always."
"Do you miss me?"
Is he a fool? That's something that doesn't need an answer! He's doing it on purpose. Only one way to get out of this.
"I thought it's you who's missing me."
Reversing statement.
"What?! I'm not missing you." he replied in a teasing tone.
"Really? Oh c'mon just admit it. You're such a coward bastard."
"So whose number are you using?" he changed the subject.
"My mom's."
"WHAT?! With a card?! That's expensive! Why can't you use Yahoo! phone programs?!" he was half astonished, half mocking.
"I don't want to." Since I don't know how to use it. I think he knew, though.
"But that would cost a lot. Okay then, it's up to you. So, why're you calling me?"
He's so doing it on purpose.
"You asked me to call!" I said with defensive tone.
He just laughed and asked,
"Are you gonna call me again?"
I've prepared an answer for that.
"NO. Next time, it's your turn to call." Because it costs my breath whenever I dial your number.
"Hahah. Okay, I'll call you sometime."
"Fine. I gotta go now. Bye"
And that was how it ended.
You may think, there was no special words. No compliments. But hear me out, hearing his masculine voice just made me feel a great joy. Because when I just shut the phone off, I jumped over and over excitedly, I could even hug any person who was in front of me.. who was my lil brother's friend.
I feel so thrilled, that it still lasts now running all over my body. Butterflies of different colors flying in my stomach -sounds crazy, lol-
I wish I had said more. I wish I could tell him how I feel, or give him a small hint.
But I'd regret it, anyway. And after all, I'm not sure if it's what I feel or not so it would bother him too. AND most importantly, he's got many there! I've got many here too. And we're miles and miles and miles away from each other.
So, it's just rational to shut my tongue now.


Oh okay, I maybe not be the sort of person who logs in to blogger and stuff my personal events daily. I just posted yesterday, yeah it was something silly, so today I'll make it up. But I think my entire blog posts are just trivial. Nothing important.

Well, first, considering the day of Idul Fitri, those of you who're celebrating it, Happy Idul Fitri Al-Mubarak. From the deepest, bottom of my heart, I apologize sincerely for holding you any grudge, my selfish behaviour, or for ever making you feel uncomfortable or depressed or any lousy feeling. There's nothing more that I desire -oh well, except if you want to give anything material- than your sincere forgiveness. You know, forgiveness is the sweetest revenge -grin-, even vampires make mistakes. Sorry, I didn't mean seducing you to forgive me. In fact I did, it's just that the truth bout truth hurts, so we lie -right, kath? *smirk*-
Forget it, I'm beginning to lose my sense.

I love this day, in fact, it's still 12 o'clock noon. But even the morning started great, i hope it ends as good as it started.
It's the forgiving day.
Oh, I bet you're already sick out of boredom hearing the word forgiveness several times. But don't you like peace and serenity? Human's heart will never feel serene or safe when it holds grudge. Even if you're on denial, your life won't flow easily, bad luck will always find you.
Oh well, my point is, confer forgiveness for anyone who asks for it, I mean, what do you have to lose except a bad reputation? :P

Help me here, I'm trying to make up my mind. I'm so indecisive. I can't even decide this insignificant choice.
Hmm.. Should I call him? Or just save my credit? *er, correction: my MOM'S credit.
I KNOW! This is so immature. UGH.
I mean, if I did call him, what are we gonna talk about?
"How are you?"
Awkward. Lame. I'm already feeling like a total dork.
Except that I perfectly realize the conversation won't go like that. It would be more, aggressive. I think.
"Omg! Your voice hasn't/has changed (a bit)!"
"Yes, you monkey! You don't recognize my voice? You're so mischievous!"
"Oh you, I thought it's my senior who calls me every minute asking how I'm doing, she likes me very much, you know."
There he goes making me fume.
"I didn't mention anything about your senior! I just called you, as you asked me to, how come you're the one who's being rude now?"
"I thought you knew me. I'm always rude to anyone!"
Oh well, there he crossed the line.
Okay, this is insane. I'm just gonna call him really, now, I guess. Damn, my heart's thumping so hard. I'm about to get a heart attack.
The only thing I'm afraid of, I can't really talk if my stupid heart is beating this way. Well, I can talk, but fast and the words stumble each other, so the sentence doesn't make any sense. And, there he mocks.
Done here.



You know, reading fictions irritate me.
The whole point, the plot, the character's various supernatural abilities, not to mention, the world that exists under human's unawareness. It's just too imaginative to an excruciating degree, full of fake illusions & fantasies.
What's more exasperating, when I've became so indulged in the story and couldn't stand but to love it and, -this is the worst frustrating part- comes the hopeless desire of having the tiniest part of this fiction, wondering what's it like if it was real? Being a silent witness of the fictitious incidents is enough. Dreaming of them isn't, though. Life is just utterly boring, moreover, it's commonly unfair as people say.
I haven't got the faintest idea why I'm blabbering about this whole crap of superstitions. Don't you, fiction readers, feel the same?
Back to earth, now. I'm finished losing my mind. Let's talk about real life.
Yesterday, I wouldn't consider it a day to be described as wonderful, or dreadful. It was sort of unbalanced. But it was more wonderful, as I seemed.
I had a flawless chat with Nate. I know, I know, I'm not supposed to say or think like this, but jeez I couldn't help but to bring it up, besides, my mind's already damaged, full of insanity.
The conversation wasn't unusual, well, he still teased and mocked me in any chance but not as frequently as always. Maybe he had some complications. He did tell me one of 'em, or two. I was glad to hear it all after what seemed ages we hadn't been in contact. I felt also relieved that he hadn't changed a bit and that he was talking smoothly, I could hardly remember the last talk when he wasn't being rude and rough as usual.
I forgot to mention, he asked me to phone him. Uhm, he said it more like he was pleading, or maybe I was just imagining things. It would be easier to tell if I saw his expression. Of course, if I was face to face with him I wouldn't need phone calls.
Enough about this alien, I feel like a spoiled teenager talking bout nonsense just to gossip around. I'm not even sure what this is called. I'm concerned about my mental issues because all of this certainly revolves around it.



Updates for the last two weeks.

I had stomachache for 3 days straight. Very torturing, but I managed to fight and live. At the first day of the pain, my whole family (including me, unfortunately) were supposed to go to a town called Portsaid. Despite my illness, they'd still go, refusing to leave me behind so I went with them unwillingly. As expected, in town, I stayed in the hotel for 2 days. My friends, who some were there too, persuaded me to hang out. But I was too busy facing sickness.
And when we got back home, my stomachache lessened but not completely. Well, eventually, I got my full health back thank God.

Back to school. Well, a new one, actually. In Cairo, Friday & Saturday are considered day-offs at works and school, officially and generally. Mainly Friday.
I went to school on Saturday to ask about book receiving. They said I'd get it on Monday, when the school starts. So, I came on Monday as supposed wearing the uniform, I started hyperventilating and took two deep breaths. I went to the gate, and the guard who stood there asked, "What year?"
"First secondary," I answered.
Then his reply was, "First secondary classes starts tomorrow."
I thought, WHAT.THE.FUCK?
So I had spent that day swearing.

Tomorrow came, and if I was to be tricked again, I'd leave this school. I hyperventilated again when I saw the gate and again, took deep breaths. Of course I didn't recognize any of them. But, as a start, I like the uniform, it's sort of like Japanese boys' uniform, you know, except an additional vest. That one bothers. Anyway, students always have to wear a full uniform without any exception under any circumstances.
Surprisingly, I met four people who were in the same former school. But I haven't been hanging out with them. People were so nice and friendly, but I still wasn't close to anyone. Moreover, the person who I was sharing the desk with was quiet. Ugh.

I'll go on later, I have duties. I'm human, anyway. Oh that reminds me, I finished the four twilight. And now I feel lonely.
So, I decided to read it all over again. lol.



The birthday went fun.
We were all there at Reni's house, gathering, joking, laughing, rolling, spreading waves of joy. But there were times when I feel tedious. Maybe because we did this all the time at each of our birthdays. But they're certainly anniversaries we should never miss. We never know when times like these could happen again, right?
I truly enjoyed myself. Especially that tasty birthday cake which Reni's big brother bought.
We also fulfilled our insane thoughts of Egg-Throw childlike event routine.

Ecce's got problems with her boyfriend who's currently in Indo. At the second time when she talked about him while she's still here, I sensed that he is a big jerk. He cheated behind her back and Ecce's still indecisive of breaking up with him. That abashed me considering the love that she stacks for her ex -who is now here- holds alot more than her crap boyfriend. She's being too kind, I don't get her.

You know, since the routine of reading Twilight, I'm beginning to be stupidly insane in a freaking way of believing in the existence of vampires. I perfectly know what negative thoughts and predictable teases or possibly, insults, you would throw to my face. Well, unless if you've seen any superstitions. I fantasies mostly because the novel I read, I want it badly to be real, as in, non fiction. The way Edward is overly protective over Bella, the way he appears as if he can read her mind when she's the only exception to his ability of reading minds, the way the novelist describe how he expresses his deep love by his touch, mostly, the way he solemnly love her the way she is.. all that must've made me dream of having someone like Edward. A gentle, romantic, and breaking gorgeous vampire. Such illusions.
Although, deep in my heart I always feel like love is only a fairytale, which exists only in fiction stories, romantic delusions and phony dramas which every writers, actresses and directors make it so real. Though, in real life it never lasts, nothing lasts.

Don't get me wrong, Twilight is amusing. Darn, it's dawn. Gotta go sleep. Chaw.


Just Want

Just wanna type a random post coz i'm utterly bored. I'm supposed to be dressed now, Mamad's gonna pick me up in half an hour. Hey, remove that stupid thought of considering it as a date. It's NOTHING. We're gonna head toward Reni's house, remember?
I planned to go there with Fadyla and Lynda coz our houses are in the same region. But unfortunately, they have other plans and they will catch up later. Huff. I hate going anywhere alone unless I'm willing or urgent.
So, I called Mamad, coz he's not distant. And I told him to pick me up.
Darn, 15 minutes has passed. I'm too lazy to pick clothes. Actually, I thought of what I was going to wear tonight.
I'll wear casuals.

At this moment, I desire reading Twilight's Eclipse rather than going to a birthday. It's nothing personal. It's just me. How depressive.



WoOoW! Yesterday I had the best night ever! Tomorrow will be better, hopefully. Okay I'll explain why I'm being so exultant.

"Twilight Series"
First, I got the four Twilight Series book. Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn (which, I expect, will be Breaking-Awesome). I thought Twilight had 5 series coz at time when I was asking for the book in a random bookstore, the bookseller said, "Twilight will be sold along with it's five series." At first I had on my mind that Twilight is a no-series book. It pretty surprised me, yet, excited me, when I heard that.
Anyway, everytime I went to the bookstore for purchasing Twilight, I realized I was always too late. Twilight was always sold out till I had memorized the look of pity of the bookseller's face seeing my disappointment. Fine. I gave up the thought of buying it at bookstores, furthermore, i'm broke and the guess of how a most well known yet, a best sold book could cost was unaffordable. That's if I counted my savings. My parents wouldn't bother giving me more than fifty pounds. It's just a book, yet, it's not just a book.
I finally searched for Twilight in the internet thinking, if I couldn't buyout the book, maybe short stories would do. Maybe it would decrease my blasting wave of curiosity. So I googled Twilight. And there it was... A miracle.

I found a free Twilight series e-book. Free downloadable PDF file. I got so ecstatic that I wanted to scream out of ecstasy. I don't mind reading for hours in front of an electronic monitor which, I perfectly know, will cause me blinder. I never mind e-books. To obtain what i most wish in a hopeless situation can hardly make me think of anything that could bug me. I don't even mind the missing 'enters', quotations and marks on the file, though it was, I admit, hard to be read without. But I managed, anyway. I've just finished New Moon. I'll start reading Eclipse tomorrow if by any chance i will.

Okay, that was long. I'm not finished yet. Keep reading coz the next part is exhilarating and almost brought me tears of joy no matter how many zillions i recall it. It was such a moment.

"Complete Five"
Today, as in, this afternoon, me and my friends are going to celebrate Reni's birthday. Another common surprise party, as usual. So we went out last night. Me, Dede, Lynda, Ecce, Ochan (I didn't know where he came from), and someone else (this one's a surprise). It came off like this, since my parents, Ecce's parents and Dede's parents were invited to a same "Fast-Break" party, considering Ramadhan gatherings. We gathered ourselves there. And we took off together to meet Lynda. Dede and Lynda had to pray Taraweh at a mosque near the department store where we planned to buy the birthday present. So, Ecce and me raced off to the mall to save time.
We entered McDonalds to buy some drinks coz we were hell thirsty. And then we sought for a suitable bag that matches Reni's taste. None of us were close to her. So we picked a random cute bag with lovely theme that she would like undoubtedly.
Suddenly Ecce's phone was ringing, Lynda called to inform us that they had finished praying and they were in McDonalds now, so we should run off and gather them.
When we just stepped in to McDonalds, I scanned till I noticed their table. I saw Ochan was with them and felt gratitude that Azza weren't here. I said hi to them and then suddenly someone was covering my eyes with it's hand from behind my back. I was instantly in aghast that it took me a moment to realize that the person who blinded me intended to make a sort of a surprise guess. Then, I smiled. I kept touching the fingers cautiously, "Big fingers," I said, out loud. I heard the others laughed at my comment. I smelled it carefully, the scent reminded me of Fadyla, my best friend who had been in New York for vacation for nearly three months now, but I heard she'll be back the day after tomorrow. So there's no way this mysterious person who was blocking my sight was Fadyla. I kept shouting with hopeless voice, "Whose hands are these?", I tried removing them but they were too strong, but I can feel that it's a girl. Finally, she gave her hands away and waited for me to turn around, to relief my curiosity.
I couldn't believe at first who it had turned to be.
It was certainly Fadyla.
I was shocked for a moment, believing maybe I was dreaming. I've been missing her so much that this sudden reunion feels like a fantasy. I hugged her tight, immediately. I almost cried but I held my tears of joy thinking that would be dramatic and fully exaggerating.
The night went pleasant and amusing as I thought it will turn out to be, having the five of us, completed. We took pictures from the camera that Fadyla had bought from New York and Ochan was our most patient photo taker. He never looked bothered taking photos and never be part of it. Maybe because he was the only male. Probably.

I miss blogskins. Screw onion head.

That's it. I'm done. Weary. See ya.



#1 News: "Change of Format"

I can't believe this. Toni had changed our band format:
Me: from vocal to guitar melody
Dede: from guitar melody to guitar bass
Linda: still a guitar rythm
Azza: from guitar bass to drummer
Mery (Linda's big sister, not to mention Toni's girlfriend): from nothingness to vocalist

How i feel about it?

Happy, but at the same time, i'm really disappointed in Toni. I mean, I didn't want Mery to join our band, coz she's really old. Well, maybe Azza is as old as her, but we needed Azza. Coz Azza can play well, meanwhile, Mery can't even pick guitar strings +_+
And i feel bad for Dede, she really liked and was finally settled with guitar melody, then, suddenly Toni changed her into a bassist. Imagine how she'd lift the bass guitar +_+
Mainly, me and Dede the ones who got really distracted. Mind you, first of all we started acoustic, meaning playing wooden guitars, not the electric ones, and without drums. We practiced ourselves to hell two acoustic songs. Then, we received his phone call with shocking news. "Don't play acoustic, play a band."
FCUK, he hadn't even listened how we play acoustically. And how are we supposed to find a drummer? None of us can play drums. And obviously, none of us can learn to play it in a short time for about 5-6 days! I don't know what crap is Toni thinking. He only thinks of his girlfriend.
Anyway, to receive news that Mery's in the band just pisses me off the most. Hate her, and him
You're probably wondering why i feel happy. Well, the only thing that satisfied me was that, I won't sing. I don't feel that my voice is good, although they keep telling me it is. I don't have faith in my voice.
One relief, tens of disappointment.

#2 News: "No Part of the Show"

Hmm, after all that arguments with Toni. We finally settled our band format and ourselves down. We began to pick some music and practice it everyday.
Suddenly, on our third day of practicing, we received a phone that told us a shitty news.
"We're sorry, you're unable to perform on Friday."
WHHYYYY GOOODDDDDD??? Why our band??!?!
Anyway, we 'celebrated' our sadness together and faced the horrible news and continued practicing for any upcoming party.
God, it was such a horrible weekend

#3 News: "Movin'"
We're moving to a better apartment, mom hated the previous one that she never did any works at home. I mean, works that moms are supposed to do, like cleaning, blablabla. So whenever she's pissed she gets more lazier. So I get to do all the chores capedeh
Anyhow, now that we've moved to a better place that looks like heaven, she became brighter and happier. The apartment indeed looks bigger even though it's actually smaller. Oh ok that doesn't make sense. It just looks great even though we have tons of stuff. I also got a strong signal wireless, maybe it's from the internet cafe down the street.
My entire family are satisfied, finally, a great news. Lol

#4th News: "Skater Boy & the Other & Another"

I'm talking about boys. Ladies and Gentlemen, I got crushes. Hahaha, don't laugh. Anyway, warning you, they're only crushes. Means that I just like them, but not seriously like them. I just love their styles and their coolness. I'm not telling names. The hell I'M NOT.

#1 S
kater Boy:
Okay, he's not really a skater, but he looks like one. He doesn't seem so cute in his pictures, but in real life he's a lot different. He always wears cap. Sometimes he wears glasses, i mean, blind eye glasses. But he still looks cool. He has a band and he's the vocalist. I melt when I see him sing
cinta . Oh and btw, I don't talk to him. We're like strangers +_+ But I don't mind. As I told you, I'm not really into these guys :P


#2 The Other:
A basketball player. Maybe he's a lot different than Skater Boy. He has a dark skin, black-brownish straight hair, cute, cute and cute. And an excellent playmaker. Seems like he's the coolest player in his team. I mean his techniques of playing. He seems quiet. But that's not bad at all :P If one day he's participating in NBA, i'll be the cheerleader
cheerleader. I don't talk to him either. He's not important. Lol.


#3 Another:
Now, this one's a lot different from those two. A guys who plays bass guitar in his band. He has a bright skin, black straight hair followed by Nirvana's Cobain hairstyle. Not to mention a deep fan of Nirvana +_+ He's so close with me. I talk to him almost about everything like love, family issues, friendship obstacles, gossips. He almost knows more than half of my secrets. The thing that attracted me to him is that he cares about me. Really really cares. For example if i don't stay still in a crowded place and behave myself, he'd be there and warn me not to do so. And one day I asked him why does he do that, he said, coz it's embarrassing, people may say bad things about me and he doesn't like that coz I'm like his lil sister that no one can mess with.
Fine, laugh out. He only considers me as his lil sister. That's rational. Why? Coz there's a seven years between our age. That's a lot. A LOTT. And I don't date guys who are older than me more than five years. It's like I'm dating my own brother. So gross.
I like this guy, no, I love him. As a brother that I'll always treasure. Hey, that rhymes. I'm thinking of making a song for him. Btw, he lifts me home alot. Such a brother, it's nice to know that someone cares

#5 News: "Unblessed Couple"

I'm such a devil-whore. Dede 'got married' with Ochan. I'm just surprised, you know. Considering Dede just do that without a second thought? I mean, did she even think about it? Darn. What the hell's wrong with her? Is Ochan's more important than her friendship with Azza? Or with Azza's feelings? Maybe Dede's Drunk. Now Azza has got no spirits to do anything. But her wound healed a bit. She agreed joining our band. Hm, that's a start. But it gets annoying whenever Dede's stupid boyfriend comes to our rehearsal.

Okay, that's it. No more news. I bet you're tired reading and your eyes are already sore. Mine too. Hahaha. Gotta go pray. See ya



Ooooooooooooooh bloggerrrrrrrr. Gue udah lama banget gak ngisiii..! Hhehe. Mayan sibuk, gk sibuk doang sih, emang males nulis dsini. haiahihahaiha pisso.
Niwei, kemarin ultah Lynda yang k-16. Hihi. Yah, dia emang gak ngerayain atau bikin acara atau whatsoever, tapi, tetep aja gue ma temen-temen yang lainnya mau beliin hadiah. Hitung-hitung atas kebaikan dia selama ini. Cailaahhhh oow.
Dia emang baik banget sih, tanpa gue sadari, dia udah jadi sahabat gue sekarang. Karena semua rahasia tentang gue, dia tau. Gak disangka juga sih, padahal dulu gak pernah akrab sama dia. Hmmh.
Pokoknya, kita beli hadiah ultah bwat dia bareng-bareng. Jadi semua patungan. Haha emang gini mulu ah kalo ada yang ultah, hadiah gak pernah sendiri-sendiri, semua patungan saking bokeknya. Wajaaaaar wajaaaaaar, pelajar-pelajar yang sering sakit kanker, aliassss, KANtong KERing. MuAHHAAH. Udah deh, yang penting senang, uang bukan segala-galanya. Tapi dollar, iya. (beuh, sama aja!)
Kita bener-bener puyeng nyari hadiah bwt Lynda. Hmmh gak puyeng-puyeng amat sih. Jadi yang ngurus tuh gue, Azza, Hendra, Mamad. Gue, kerjanya, nelpon-nelpon dan SMS-SMS orang-orang yang akrab sama Lynda. Untuk apa? Tanya apa! Ngajak patungan. Biar masing-masing bayarnya murah. HUEE......... Tapi gue maju loh dalam pekerjaan gue ini. Tanya kenapa, pembaca? Karena 14 orang setuju untuk ikut patungan! YIHAA.
Ok ok, Azza kerjanya, nyari hadiah. Gue udah kayak sekertarisnya di mall, buntut-buntutin dia kemana-mana pake HP nelpon + SMS.
Mamad dan Hendra kerjanya apa? Bayar hadiah. Hahhaa. Abis gue sama Azza bokek. Kita cuma bisa bayar uang patungan doang. Hihihihi.
Pasti kalian-kalian penasaran apa hadiahnya?????????? HOHOHOHOH.
Tebaklah, ladies and gentlemen. Hadiahnya adalah.................
Celengan babi.
Ndaklah, hoho. Hadiahnya celana yang selalu Lynda dambakan dari kapan tahu, karena kemahalan, dia gak bisa beli. Akhirnya kita beliin juga. Hmm. Celananya model skinny jeans warna biru tua. Pokoknya dia udah lama banget pengen beli, tapi uangnya gak cukup mulu.
Pada gak bisa bayangin deh muka Lynda pas dia liat hadiahnya. Hahahhaa.
Eh tapi, bukan itu doang loh hadiahnya, masih ada lagi ;))
Nah hadiah yang satunya, aksesoris yang dia bilang dia suka pas kita jalan-jalan ke mall kemaren. Ada kalung dan anting-anting yang dia sukaaaa banget. Terus lagian, dia gak pernah pake anting-anting karena dirumahnya gak ada yang pas ama seleranya, akhirnya gue ama Azza beliin juga yang dia suka. Hahah. Pokoknya dia ampe nangis terharu gitu deh pas liat kadonyaterharu .

Selanjutnya, abis pulang dari latian basket. Azza nangis gitu, dia lagi sakit hati, soalnya mantannya, yang dia masi sayang, jadian ama orang lain. Dia tiba-tiba nangis di bis gitu pas kita di perjalanan pulang. Terus, gue kan kaget gitu dia nangis, untung yang di bis masih ada Sadam sama Lynda. Jadi kita bertiga hibur-hibur dia gitu. Eufh gue gak suka banget sama mantannya Azza itu. Emang dari dulu sih. Gak tau Azza suka apanya dari dia. Mantan gue kayaknya jauh lebih mending. Eh, atau mereka sama ya? Eh, gak tau deng (KARINA BOHOOONGGGG!makanorang ).

Kalo dipikir-pikir, sahabat-sahabat gue tambah banyak looh, sekarang banyak yang care sama gue. Selain Lynda, ada Azza juga n Sadam. Yah, emang sih Sadam orangnya cuek dan EMBERRR, tapi ttp aja lo bakal nyesel klo gak ngmng sama dia. Orangnya pinter sih. Jadi banyak nasehatnya yang jitu. Hueee.. geer dia kalau baca ini. Lupa dibilang, orangnya geeran banget. BEUH.

Oya, gue lupa kasitau tentang kemajuan band wannabe kita. Blekh. Masa k'Toni mau gue megang gitar Melody sambil nyanyi? Nan desu ka? Itu susah banget! (Sok tau, nyoba aja belon). Tapi gue terpaksa sih nyanyi sambil megang gitar. Gue juga kan emang pengen megang gitar diam-diam, cuma karena gak ada lagi yang bisa nyanyi (wah, sombong), jadi terpaksa gue gak megang. Tapi karena sekarang gue punya kesempatan, bolehlah! Cuma gue takut entar maennya tiba-tiba salah kedinginan. TAKUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! Udah kar, banyak latian dong. GANBATTE, MINNA SAN! WISH US LUCK PLEASE! ONEGAAAAI!



Pfft. title post ini terasa begitu songong cool. Tapi, itulah faktanya, pembaca.

#1 Busy-ness:

Latian gitar.
Rencananya mau bikin band, cuma kita kekurangan drummer. Terus, rencana juga mau ikut festival musik itu. Tapi ya kita liat aja deh masi bisa pa gak, coz kita masi pemula gt. Sebenarnya sih kita gak niat mau juara atau enggak, niatnya nampil doang. Biar dilihat orangjadimalu1.
Just kidding.
Nyways, gue sempat belajar drum juga sama Kak Syam. Ternyata, ladies and gentlemen, drum itu RIBET GILA!! puyeng
Untung gue gak harus pegang drum, hanya pegang mic. HAIHAIAHIAH.

#2 Busy-ness:

Nonton Nodame Cantabil, semacam dorama Jepang. Tapi dorama ini, sanggup bikin gue tercengang! KEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRREEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNN AAAAAAABBBBBBBIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSS ngayal. Tapi yg paling penting, cowoknya, CCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP AAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS gila. Mulai kemarin-kemarin gue udah save banyak foto dia, terus, rencana hari ini mau cetak foto-fotonya sebanyak-banyaknya biar ditempel di tembok-tembok kamar gue. HUAHH. Ok nih gue kasi liat foto yang paling gue suka, ok? Tapi GAK BOLEH ADA YANG NAKSIR!

Tamaki Hiroshi, my ganteng senangnya1

Sejak nonton dorama ini, gue tambah pengen mewujudkan impian gue. Yaitu, bisa memain semua alat musik. Terus, suatu hari nanti gue konser piano di tempat yang paling terkenal dan terhormat di dunia. Gak harus jadi pianis deh, masuk orchestra juga boleh, asal kondukternya ganteng seperti Tamaki Hiroshiku tadi oow. yay.
Nodame Cantabil, dorama Jepang mengisahkan hidup seseorang bernama Chiaki Shinichi, cowok yang mempunya impian menjadi kondukter orchestra yang terhormat. Tapi mimpinya itu tak bisa terwujud karena ia mempunyai phobia terbang di pesawat. Lalu, Chiaki akan bertemu seorang pianis yang aneh bernama Noda Megumi yang akan merubah hidupnya dan membantunya mewujudkan impiannya.
Ah udah ah, gak mau jadi spoiler. Hhahahaaha. Ganbaree, minnnna san! bye



Yaya gue tau, judul postnya geje. Mood gue emang lagi geje. Entah kenapa gue lagi sebel sama semua orang. Pengennya ngomel terus. Mungkin karena gue ngantuk kali? Tapi tadi pas mo nyoba tidur malah gak bisa. Ada apa dengan jiwaku ini? Sakitkah? Aku tak tahu (Ngomong ala Fahri)
Blogger nyebelin banget sih. Masa pas gue buka list of posts gitu, gue mo edit post kemaren, mo ganti fontnya doang, pas disave malah gak keganti, n seribu kali gue edit gak keganti. BLOGGER RESE

Hooff satu-satunya yang hari ini bikin gue seneng chat sm Nate. Tapi terpaksa gue bilangin gue mo nonton, jadi gue hrs off, tpi sebenarnya gue gak nonton sih, gue gak enak aja 'cewe itu' ol, so mending gue off aja drpd ganggu mereka chat. Yah whatever. Gue ttp masi girangsiul. Aneh betapa orang yg kita syg mampu mencerahkan hari yang gelap dan suram. Oh oh aneh betapa gue berbicara seperti ini +_+

Gue jadi males banget ngedit foto, gak ada semangat. Gue punya banyak ide, tpi males bikinnya, pengennya ngeliat pas udah jadi doang

Gue gak sabaran tanggal 1 agustus datang. Penasaran kenapa? Tanya kenapa! Karena.. buku series Twilight akan nyampe di bookstore-nya mall Citystars di hari itu! Yihaa! Mudah-mudahan bonyok gue mau ngasi gue uang buat beli buku tersebut. Dan semoga film Twilight cepat keluar, karena gue dah gak sabaran ngeliat Robert Pattinson seperti apa disitu. Oh kangen aku dengannya. Hahah najis.
Talking bout moooovies, gue baru aja nonton Kungfu Panda. Jangan ketawa gitu dong karena gue baru tonton sekarang. Gue ada alasan yang masuk akal: bokek. Kalo gue masuk bioskop, gue mau beli popcorn rasa caramel nanti. EUWNAK
Balik ke yang tadi, Kungfu Panda gak terlalu seru ah. Malah terlalu pendek filmnya. Yah bagus sih pas berantem-berantemnya. Lumayan kocak. Terus yang furious five gak terlalu banyak ngomong. Jadi gimana gitu. Ah pokoknya 2 bintang setengah deh buat film ini. Kerenan film Narnia (Prince Caspian), tadi gue nonton lagi. Soalnya Prince Caspiannya sama Edmund sama Peternya cakep-cakep semua. Pengen gue peluk satu-satu ngayal

Udah ah, bosen ngisi ginian. Mana gak bisa tidur lagi. Huff bete bete bete!!



I'M SO OUTRAGED!!!!!!!!! wtfstressmarah2
Guess what?
I couldn't sleep again. Fine. I've slept. I've slept when i had just came home from a basketball practice at midnight. The practice was great. I got to meet a cute playmaker. But he looked old. I mean in age. I don't know why i make big deals bout being in a close relationship with boys who're now in college. They're just..... old, you know ngaistanah.
Back to the goddamn sleeping trouble. I was in bed. Sleepy. Zzz. I thought i'd read something so i'd get more sleepy. That way, i'll sleep quicker. My thought was right. I slept right away.
Then what?
I woke up.
i didn't remember i had nightmares. NO NIGHTMARES.
For god's sakes, i don't know what's gotten into me.
I'm thinking of buying sleeping pills...

I miss him.
God, i miss him so much nangis


Love, a sweet torment

Yuck! What made me think of naming this post like that? I'll tell you. But later. mandi

#1 Dede's 14th Birthday.
Destination: Our Usual Basketball Court.

It was Friday night. Me and the rest decided to make a surprise party for Dede. Coz she's been so special to each of us. So the birthday plan was..? Surprising her by buying her a birthday cake! Hey, it's not lame. It's sweet, (talking bout the cake).
Anyway, as usual, we play basketball at around 7 PM. About sunset time in Cairo. It's a perfect time for a perfect weather, not too hot, no too cold. And also, as usual, we finish playing at about 11. Late night. Coz the place closes at 12. Dede's birthday is supposed to be on July 19th. But this Friday it's 18. So we figured that we could just give her the surprise party at 12 sharp. Get it?
And when it was about to come. Dede was picked up by her mother and her big sister. She immediately ran to the car coz she thought that we wanted to throw her eggs and stuff like that. (A silly traditional way of celebrating someone's birthday). I chased her to the car and dragged her arm (i know, i'm so rough! catwoman). But she wouldn't want to get out of the car. Luckily, my friends were so brilliant to bring the cake to the car so she'd be surprised. Oh man, it worked! She was surprised! She even cried!! (Tears of Joyaww). I almost cried too +_+ But the fun part was The Cake-Sticky-Creme-Throwing. I figured, instead of throwing ourselves eggs, which is really old fashioned, why don't we start a new one by throwing chocolate sticky cake cremes? And then the war began. We were all gross and our face was filled with disgusting creamy cremes! (does that make sense?). I felt like my body was ready to be ants' food. Coz the creme was sugary batuk2
I'm sure Dede will never forget that day ngayal

2# Destination: Arabella.

Owkay, i know you guys probably are so bored of hearing my tales of visiting Arabella. But it's really nice to be there, you know. It's like the only peaceful place in Cairo. I don't even feel like I'm in Egypt whenever I'm there. berendem
Anyway, this visit was much more special than before. Yeah my brother was with me too. But he wasn't as naughty as he was the weeks before.
So, first thing. I started off the day suckily (this isn't even a word, but you know what i mean mrgreen). Actually, i began sleeping in the morning, at around 8. Dede was staying with us coz her parents couldn't take her back. And, you know, we talked and talked and talked till it was sunrise. And still, we kept talking and laughing. Until... we slept and woke up at twelve something.. it doesn't matter. WE SHOULD'VE BEEN ON THE WAY AT 11! Arabella is pretty far. But it's always worth it.
We quickly stood up and raced to the bathroom. We didn't take shower coz we vowed that we'd swim in the pool right away the moment we'd get there. Mom made us some breakfast and we quickly ate up. After that, we went to dad's car so his friend would lift us there. Dad couldn't coz he had a meeting.
On the road, at first the car was fine, was going fine. But then, super-bad-luckily, the engine stopped, right after when we'd just filled it with oil! What was wrong with it? No thankfulness! Stupid car. It said that the battery was too hot. So, it had nothing to do with oil. Fine, i got the idea but they shouldn't have made it so clear. They knew a 15 year old girl don't get mechanics or any car stuff!belajar
It was pathetic that the car stopped at a really hot area. Where our lefts and rights were just deserts and sand. Nothing else. gerah1 But me and Dede were cool, coz we knew that there's a gift for whoever has patience. (The gift was? Swimming mrgreen)
But patience has limits demam. Finally, mom called dad to help us with the goddamn car. So, dad raced off riding a taxi to us. He was such a hero terharu. He told us to just take a Taxi to Arabella, since it wasn't that far left. But mom told us that Dede's mother would take us there. And finally, she really came and rescued us from the desert hell.
The moment we've arrived, we saw a trampoline next to the pool. So it was like a diving thingy. You jump from the trampoline to the pool, get it? Yeah, something like that. Me & Dede were freakin hot and we got totally exhilarated when we saw the trampoline and the pool gyahahaha. So we swam and swam and splashed and got wet till we've gotten tired and cold. The weather was windy that day kedinginan.
Anyway, after the swimming thingy. We did a little karaoke with Tante Siti. The one who owned the house. Well, the real owner was her sister, Tante Azizah, but she was off the country and left her two kids whom i've told you about. Angel and Jason. Oh ok I didn't mention Jason, i guess. Me and Tante Siti sang alot of songs. Her voice was really good. I think she does Karaoke alot. She likes my voice too jadimalu2. (Yikes)
Ok that was all what we did there. I didn't take pictures. But I'll show you a picture of me and Angel that was taken weeks before.
Ain't she so cute? No difference with me jadimalu1 (narcism mode: on)

3# Destination: Dede's.

After spending time at Arabella, I went to Dede's house coz my parents couldn't take me. The stupid car was being fixed at the garage. Where it belongs +_+ So Dede's parents had lifted me home. But before that, I was online at Dede's room using Dede's computer. And then, I had a small, yet weird and awkward chat with my ex. FINE. I know it's almost been a year since we've been together but I still can't get over it, satisfied to know the truth? It's the first time for me to confess something embarrassing like this in here. IT'S STUPID. Don't blame me. Blame my stupid heart for loving someone i doubt had ever loved me. I don't wanna think over this again. I don't even know what i'm feeling. I love him. I love him not. I love him I love him not. WHATEVER. The reply has always been still, unchangeable. HE LOVES ME NOT.
I guess i've ended the post well-matched-ly with it's title. I agree the statement Love is a sweet torment. But now, love is just execrable.
What's he thinking? Do i really wanna know? Sometimes, truth builds disappointmentsigh.