Life is so dog-tiring for me right now. I've no clue why am I always so serious about life, talking about crappy bullshits of "life being so boring" or "life is unfair". When the fact is that there're many other thousands of people who're having a much suffering life than mine. Like, some people couldn't have meals three times a day.
But come to think of it, why are they so tall? I mean, I eat enough, but why do I have to look like an elf? *this is so pathetic, self-humiliation*

I'm in the middle of exams, and tomorrow's physics. Plus, I'm acting like the world's possessive girlfriend. (That's his fault, why is he so attractive? Ok, I think it's my fault for having to choose someone so striking, and companionable)
So pardon my ambiguity.

Hmm. By Friday, the planets will start to revolve in a new orbit all over again.
My life has revolved in 2009. It's the best year I've ever had. It has drained all of my burden which I've carried since years and years before, replaced it with new friendly connections. Forgetting and forgiving our mistakes. It's like a reborn.
I don't know if this is the best part of my life (overall) or not. But anyhow, it's better than my previous one. But I'm hopefully looking forward to another better year.



God, I'm so addicted to Lady Gaga's songs. Is it true that she's bisexual? I mean, her voice is a lil boyish, but so cool. Her sense of fashion is epic, but also so cool. I think she's the coolest singer, and not only as a singer, but also as an entertainer.



I already knew from the very beginning, that going through a long distance relationship would need a persisting bond, and just enough money to buy phone credits and plane tickets.
Apparently, a persisting bond is harder to maintain than affording plane tickets to his place. It's not that I don't love him anymore. I truly love him, in every way, really. (Yes, you can predict a "but" coming..)
But.. (Ha!)
It's so hurting me. I wanna spend every second holding his hands (you might wonder, why do I keep talking about his hands?), feel his every steady breath. I don't know how he could keep himself stable all the time, and I'm his paranoid girlfriend, who obviously has abnormal issues in her life, indicating that she might suffer autism. But he just held on to me, never was bothered by any of my bizarre attitudes.
And for me, I don't wanna let go of him, no matter how my heart breaks whenever I feel like I couldn't be the best for the one who mattered me the most.
I might never gonna leave him, I don't ever want to, especially when it's only about the distance.



1. School competition is over.
I didn't win, and I never cared about winning. I just needed to have fun. Take a break from my boring life. Refresh. Make new friends whom I still in contact with right now.

2. After exactly 5 months of longing the face of the apple of my eye (this is quite a long sentence, not to mention so full of 'ofs'), our hands have finally intertwined again. It was such a wonderful sensation, makes me feel so.. I don't know. I can't even describe it.
Happy? Yes.
Sad? Yes.
Why? Because I was perfectly aware that this moment had to end sooner or later. I wanted it to last more.
And I had to look at our hands over and over again just to make sure that this wasn't a dream. And if it was, I wouldn't wanna wake up.
I never closed my eyes, I didn't wanna miss a thing.
I wanted to stop the time. And as far as how boring and commonly outdated that sounds, I can't help but saying it from the bottom of my blind heart.

3. I'm so bored in Cairo. Life here is dull.

4. I spent four days in Singapore before I went home, and I already felt like I'm home.
I loved the hippo bus, and the Bugis Jaunction, and nasi ayam, and the east coast, and how it pours every five minutes, and how it smells after it pours, and the Changi Airport, and the Flyer, and ice Milo, and the colorful apartments, and the Merlion, and and and.. and billion other things that would spend two days if I had to type it all.
And guess what? I've learned to ride a two-wheeled bicycle.
I know that's stupid, but why should you care?
As long as I'm happy.

5. I still love my boyfriend. And I want him here.

6. I have a new band. And I'm thrown to the position of being a vocalist, again.

7. I'm so tired of living in Cairo. And I just can't seem to stop complaining. But what would my complains do?
Nothing, exactly.



I hate all the bullshits you talk.
I hate the sweet words you effortlessly say, without seeming to mean it.
I hate the way you support me, which puts any effect equal to zero. Or O point one.
I hate how you're clueless when it comes to handle me when I'm crying.
I hate how when I'm feeling blue, you couldn't color me green or yellow.
I hate it when I ask about your opinion, and you just reply, "it's up to you," or "whatever you like."
I hate the way you're always being a listener, never a talker.
I hate how you never seem to care about anything in my life, except what I'm currently doing.
I hate when you said you're gonna call.
I hate that you never called.
I hate how you constantly make me feel confused. And forcing me to have second thoughts.
I hate how you never make surprises.
I hate the way you have irrational fears.
I hate how you never pick me up, or take me home.
I hate how you fail to make me feel special.
I hate that you're not here.
I hate how I hate so much things about you and still can't make me leave you.

I'm a pathetic girl.



Recently, I watch myself. I was planning to do a self-introspection. But since I'm so ignorant and careless, that plan is now canceled "involuntarily".

I realize, that not being on time, would make me regret things. That in the end, most of us would turn out saying "it's too late."
No, don't expect me to arrive on time at school just because I mentioned this. Hah, that is a waaay farrrr different thing from what I was saying.

I don't know how, and why, exactly.. where.. has my confidence gone? I used to be good at this. But now I'm feeling like I'm sinking in a shallow pool.
I'm tired of hearing people say, "just enjoy it," or "you're good at this, you'll win."
I know how everyone's just being supportive, and yes, that means a bundle thank you from me. But no, that's not the problem. Oh I don't know, that maybe is the problem. Why it hasn't put on any effect on me..all those words from not just any people, but the people I love.

How life could be so frustrating.



How dare I leave my blog unposted for.. how long has it been? Okay nevermind. Nobody reads it anyway. HAHA. That sounds pathetic. Tsch.

I now, officially, have a lil sister. Born on 3rd October 09 at the Cleopatra Hospital. Official name: Amira. Official name personally from her big sis: Amira Viranti. I dunno, 'Amira Viranti' is more complete. Though I dont really know what Viranti means but.. damn is anything that's beautiful has to be reasoned?
Amira cries a lot rly, but once we shove the milk bottle into her mouth, she completely stops wailing and her pink cheeks are like chewing a gum. She's so incredibly cute. And when she poops, she has this weird n funny expression on her face saying 'Hey, don't interrupt, I'm concentrating on pooping.'

I've achieved my purpose. Remember about the selection? I passed it quite well. But y'kno whuts surprising? I got the highest score at singing. Truly, this is so unexpected to me. Because at the audition, my throat was rly hoarse and I don't think I produced enough vibrations and so I was a bit tuneless. And moreover, there were couple of my friends whom I think, sang really better than me.
But regardless, I freaking passed the selection!!!! *YEAAH!!!!* So my energy and fats weren't sacrificed for nothing.
And so, my schedule is filled with: singing practice, singing practice, singing practice, sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep. God, I'm sleep-deprived.

We moved to a new apartment, closer to my school. So the moving session took forever with all our abundant and bulky stuff. And the new apartment is somehow tiny. We actually had to flip the sofa vertically to fit the rest of the things, including the telly. But it's quite nice to move into this area, except that now I dont have any excuse to be late at school. But nonetheless, I just still can't be on time. I think it's the genes.
And I think eversince I've moved to this neighborhood, where I'm only barely 10 kilometers away from my friends' houses, we get together more often, go out more often, eat outdoors more often, sit at cafes more often and more importantly, SPEND MONEY MORE OFTEN. And to wrap it up, my wallet looks like a human who is urgently lack of blood.

I know how long distance is truly unbearable to most of us. But if I think about it, I just can't let go of my bf. Because I sort of doubt that I could never find anyone as unique as he is. He's like the Chinese panda, one of the endangered species, standing at the line of extinction. He's so rare. He NEVER gets mad, I don't know if his heart is made of the same component of most of our hearts. And in conclusion, we hardly ever have a row. And just every night I think of him and the five days we've spent together before he had left to Indo, and when I wake up I find myself dialing his number involuntarily. God, I'm so obsessed. I haven't seen him for 3 months and half, for fuck's sake!!!
I just can't wait till November.



Okay, good news.
I got my phone back.
Yeah, I'm serious.
It turned out that it was my aunt who kept it in her purse, and she forgot that it was with her all along. *speechless*
Surprisingly, I'm just relieved to find my old phone back rather than buying a new one.

This week, is the turning point of my life. If it's meant to be.
You see, every year the International Indonesian Schools all over the world build a competition called SILN (Sekolah Indonesia Luar Negeri). My school is invited, so next week they're gonna do a selection of that competition. The competition will be held in Makassar, Indonesia. And coincidentally, that's my hometown. OK, no. My parents' hometown. Regardless, I like it there more than in Jakarta. Because it's less polluted, less crowded and more environmental. Ha! That statement is just so go-greenish.
Anyway, back to the topic. There are five challenges. Storytelling, singing, dancing, the science of physics and economics.
I'm focusing on storytelling, but truthfully, I don't think I'm any good at either telling a story or choosing a story. But I'm gonna give it a shot.
Or maybe singing. Even though right now my throat is suffering from the cold and it feels so dry. So I might not produce vibrations, and that's the important element. I'm ill, by the way.
Or maybe dancing? I mean, last month I performed an Indonesian Traditional dance at a diplomatic reception. It was an internationally important reception, y'know. So I might try that too. If my body condition is fit by the day of the selection. Amen.
Physics and economics are a pair of my invincible enemies. This one's blacklisted.

The main thing is that I just really really need to pass the selection! And there're only 6 students who will be chosen to compete abroad. I NEED to go to Indonesia.
God, this is so stressful.
But my girlfriends and my boyfriend have complete faith in me that I can do this, that I'm gonna pass. And I'm just so scared of disappointing them if I don't make it.



I lost my goddamn cellphone.
The cellphone which I've kept and used for five bloody years. I don't give a shit about the photos in the gallery, or the love messages which mostly fill my inbox, but the CALENDAR! OMG. My calendar of which is full of the memos and anniversaries. Of when was the day I talked out of my boyfriend to make him say that he loves me (okay, I know that was on 20th June 2009), or the first day of my life when I joined the flag hoisting team (that was on 17th August 2009), or the first third time when I performed Indonesian Traditional Dance at the Diplomatic Reception (that was on 19th August 2009), or the first day I entered ISC (that was on January 2009 something) and etc. It's a good thing that I still have a blog. But an exposed one. UMF.
I'm gonna miss my Nokia 3230. Rest in peace, my dead phone. (the battery was already dead anyway before I've lost it).


Went out of town to Alexandria with family, nothin to do there, just the smell of the Mediterranean and the view of the traffic upon the hotel balcony. But I gotta say that the public transportation in Alexandria is way better than in Cairo itself.


I forgot to wish you guys a happy Ramadhan. My last Ramadhan was when I moved into this apartment. It seemed like so long ago. Lots of things have changed. *reminiscing*
Okay back to earth, I'm on my period *shit* so I'm allowed to curse.



I was handed over four tasks.

Greetings For New Indonesian Embassy Staff
14th Aug
It was so sudden when Aula texted me saying 'Kar, ure gonna sing an acoustic song in our band on 14th, ok?' 14th was just a couple of days to go. And to tell you the truth, I've never ever performed singing in front of numerous number of audience before. Especially in front of Indonesian Embassy staffs and not to mention the Indonesian ambassador in the flesh!
But well, in reality, I didn't really feel paranoid when I was 'assigned' to reveal the sound of my voice. In fact, I felt excitement, courage and just a teeny tiny doubt concerning my voice. How could they put a female hawk into this position? *self-reference*
We practiced every time we had a chance. It was only one song, which only took not more than 3 minutes. It was considered a phenomenon that we even had the opportunity to have a band practice when each of us were so burdened by other projects.
But all in all, we performed with pride and certainty. My voice, according to my closest friends, sounded good *I don't know if it was a fact, or if my pals were just trying to make me feel good*, I wasn't really worried about how my voice did sound, I just hoped that I didn't sing in a false note. And it looked like I didn't, I assume.
Zacky was part of the band too, by the way.

Not bad for my first performance, especially the part when the ambassador complemented on my voice when we shook hands. Aaw.
It was all for you, Mr. Ambassador, pleasure to do.

Indonesia's 64th Anniversary Ceremony
17th Aug
Flag hoisting team (or tim paskibra in Indonesian) is an extremely significant part of the 17th August 1945 Indonesian Annual Independence Day ceremony. Their duty is none other than to hoist and protect the red and white flag. It sort of resembles the movements of the marine soldiers, with all the strictness, discipline and formality. As I've mentioned in my previous post.
But this national duty has ended with pride and success. I even cried out of happiness when it was all over. It was an incredibly memorable experience.
I certainly gonna miss the hard practices we've gone through, the free food we've eaten, the uniform we've worn, the instructor (who was my civics teacher at ISC), the solidarity, the sweat, the unbelievably bogus way we sang the national anthem, and most of all, the overwhelming feeling of nationalism and patriotism which rarely passed by me.



For some reason, I haven't been down.
Probably because I'm obliged to participate in the flag hoisting team for Indonesian's Independence Day ceremony on 17th August. And the training schedule has been so severe and intensive, like three times a week of marine soldiers exercises. My body incessantly felt cramped like an old lady.
But just look at the bright side, at least I'm busy doing something. Morever, it's not just anything, it's part of being loyal to my country. Part of nasionalisme. It's just like sacrificing blood to your nation. But I'm sacrifing fats.
And when schooldays have begun, my schedule (omg, I hate this word) got more tighter and stretched. Exhausting every cell of tissues of organs of systems of my tiny fragile body, working some fat off of my body, if only I have any.
But, I have purposes. And it's quite a long story. And I'm a bad storyteller, (but trust me, I'm gonna excel storytelling in about a couple of months, it's sorta part of my 'purposes') plus, I was planning to post about it another time, but I just frequently wonder, when is "another time"?

Argh. I'm sleep-deprived. And I'm feeling drowsy.

I miss the touch of your hand in mine.
Your love warms me like the morning sunshine.
I miss ur breath on my ear as we embrace.
I miss the softness of ur cheek when I touch ur face.


When a thing has been said and said well, have no scruple. Take it and copy it. - Anatole France

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."
- Helen Keller

"You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly."
- Sam Keen

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."
- Abraham Lincoln

"All love is sweet, given or returned."
- Percy Bysshe Shelley

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards."
- Soren Kierkegaard

"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her. "
- Anonymous

"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give."
- Winston Churchill

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."
- M.K. Gandhi

"If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older."
- Abraham Sutzkever



Mom has been pregnant now for nearly 6 months and a half, so in about a couple of months, I'm about to have a sister. Wow. *dances*

I have a boyfriend. But only after we're together for five days, he'd gone back to Indonesia. And yes, it was out of his hands. Long distance? Huh, I don't know how long it'll last. We'll just go with the flow. Well, for now, there hasn't appeared any sign of breaking-up tension, yet. Though, I admit, seems to me my memories with him are a lot more in calculation than mine with Nate. A lot more intimate, if I may add.



Every evening after school, the five of us used to get together at the school's playground. Only the five of us.
Usually, Helmy would grab the black basketball which had always been left there and played with his heart. I'd just watch how he played, and how the wind blew his soft hair.
Zacky would just sit aside, his green headphone on his ears with his iPod turned on to the highest volume, that sometimes I heard vague music rhythms blasting from his headphone. But sometimes, he would join Helmy.
Rani and I would sit under the stairs that lead to the school's roof and listen to Rani's iPod, Rani would share her earphones with me and share her favorite songs. Even though most of her favorites didn't fit in my music genre.
Auli would come late because he went to a different school, and by the time he appeared wearing his usual school shirt unbuttoned with a black jersey underneath, Helmy would greet him with over-excitement and usually cried like, "Hey! Here's my best bud!" while dribbling the ball and walked over him. Auli would just laugh and smile, and fight over the ball with Helmy.
And the rest of us would just laugh at the scene.

How I wish I had a brilliant mind, and become the Time Machine inventor.



Lately, on Thursdays (or any day we feel like doing it), we watch new downloaded movies at Zacky's, still with those same faces. We became really close now, that we share every personal and random things. And what made them unique was that, each of them were different people with different special characters.

For example Zacky, he's the fat dude and sort of our bodyguard (omg, he's so gonna kill me if he read this), he's the emo guy who frequently doesn't give a shit on what people say about anyone, or isn't interested in hearing about anyone's lives. The kind of person who just goes with the flow and just chill and relax. Poles apart from his mother. He's more like his dad. Man, I LOVE HIS DAD. The perfect man.
Zacky's always there whenever you need him, but he never needed anyone. He has got the brilliant mind, the physics geek.
Zacky's in the same class with Rani, just the two of them.

Rani, is the closest person to me at ISC, the person whom I always unhesitatingly share the deepest feeling I endure. She's the most loud and cheerful among us, the one who always manages to laugh and smile under any situation. And when being sad, she's the most melodramatic. Drama queen. Nervous. But she's strong if we all stood by her and encourage her.
She's the oldest, btw. But she acts like a 6 year old girl. That's why we love her.

The youngest one is Auli, he's only 13, yet, he's the most sarcastic. His jokes are all ironic, but were able to make us all laughing and rolling on Zacky's mother kitchen floor. He likes psychos, thinks that psychos are really brilliant coz they can kill anyone with anything even with napkins. To me, he's the most rare person because, I don't know. He comes up with peculiar and enthralling ideas, yet they sound logical. He enjoys basketball and football, but right now he's been feeling blue because he was kicked out of his football team, and his best friend, who later happened to be my boyfriend, had flown back to Indonesia. Long story.
Auli isn't a student in ISC, he's in Pakistan International School.

Helmy, I'll just skip this one later, coz it'll take more than a paragraph.

To confirm our togetherness as an unbroken bond of camaraderie officially, we named our small group A14I. Reasonably, all of our names ends with the letter I. Except me. So there're four Is, Rani, Zaki, Helmi and Auli. And one A, for Karina.
At first, I thought A14I sounded like a jet plane's name. But whatever. It symbolizes solidarity and unity.

One of our unthinkingly juvenile and impractical thing to do was that, if someone talked and mouthed out a sentence, that, if we listened carefully, wouldn't make any sense, or mixed up the words accidentally and came up with a wrong sentence, we'd just laugh and laugh and laugh on it over and over and over forever and ever and ever. Like, once I was at Zacky's and I was on the phone with my mom who was frustrated because I wasn't home yet, and she asked if my phone was dead, and I said nervously, 'saya gak mati hapeku' (I'm not dead my phone). Well, to mom, it sounded comprehensive. But to my friends, I remembered how they laughed to tears when they heard that sentence coming clearly from my mouth. Zacky's face was all red from the laughing, Helmy's stomach was aching, Auli resisted laughing, though I perfectly knew he wanted to laugh so bad, and Rani almost threw up. Haha. Hilarious.
I love them to death.

FRIDAY, 290509
Dad went to Algeria and stayed there for four weeks, business trip. After I'd gone back from the airport, I went to ISC because I had physics tutorial with Aula and Helmy. Yet, I couldn't focus on any of what the teacher was trying to explain. Because there was this incident, when we were studying, we caught a junior ISC student threw her phone on the ground harshly, and cried. We asked her what happened, and she said there was some girl who insulted her with pretty bad words. And so the whole junior girls at school was so psyched about it, psyched and melodramatic with all the cries and the curses. Darn, how did they become like this at this century? They acted like female hyenas.
So after the lesson, I couldn't go home, because Mom was at Dad's boss (who's a woman), whose apartment was no far from school. So I decided to catch up with mom, but when I got there, I got so bored that I told mom I was going home by myself, but mom insisted on saying no. So I told her I was going to Zacky's and phoned Helmy to pull him on a trick, Zacky's place was near too, just needed 10 minutes to walk to his apartment. I was planning to lie to Helmy when I told him to pick me up at Yudi (Yudi is my dad's boss' son, who knew us all), even though I just met Helmy half an hour ago, but I knew that A14I would be fused at Zacky's, like any other weekend. Helmy said 'okay but you should buy me lunch', and as far as I knew, if he said that, it meant that he was joking, and that he wasn't gonna pick me up. But he actually did, you know. And from that moment I felt something, but I quickly ignored it.
All the way we walked, it felt awkward, just the two of us walking, we normally walked with more than three people. But since the midsemester, almost every night we chatted online, and since then, there wasn't a night that I felt friendless. It was just that, from the way he talked online was alot different from the way we talked face to face. It was nearly confusing, if he hadn't always brought up our conversation at class every morning on what or who we chatted or joked about the night before.
When we had arrived at Zacky's, all five of us out of boredom, answered useless and pointless facebook silly quizzes. And laughed on the answers.
Laugh, laugh, laugh. Was all that we did.



THURSDAY, 210509
Helmy picked me up on the way we were gonna hang out with the same people I've been hanging out with at Zacky's, except that Auli wasn't coming because he had a lesson. So it was only me, Helmy, Rani and Zacky. At first, Rani said we're planning to go to Ramsis, and as far as I know, Ramsis Square is a big bus station in Cairo. And what the hell was there to do in a bus station while the weather was melting hot? So to discuss more about our destination, we gathered at school. The conclusion of the discussion was that I've misunderstood. What they meant was Ramsis MALL, not the freakin bus station.
Oh yes, they laughed about it all day.
It was such an amusing day, although most of the time I was the object of teasing.
Later on, we went back to school, because we've walked around every corner of the mall approximately three times and we got bored. School was empty and lonesome, like a ghost cave.
Helmy, Zacky and I decided to do a lil bet on a basketball free throw. We'd been doing it frequently, though. The loser treats us ice-creams. And the loser was Zacky. Hahahaha. But he refused the bet. So till now, he still owes us a free ice-cream.
Oh and when he'd found out that he'd lost, he threw the basketball madly and just randomly, and it happened to hit my head quite harsh. DAMN. Now he owes me double ice-cream.
After that, we went to Chima's house, one of me and Helmy's classmates. Because Rani was told from her aunt to get a deposit from there. But all that happened was that we laughed our asses off because some woman who was staying at Chima's had a laugh that sounded more like a frog. HAHAHA. Even Chima's parents couldn't hold their laugh.
Amazing day.

FRIDAY, 220509
Went to the Pyramids for the millionth effin time, but this time was to be a free-paid guide tourist for my dearest new-welcomed aunt.
Yes, I was just being nice and sweet. And fake.

TUESDAY, 260509
Math lesson at Aula's, another of me and Helmy's classmates. Helmy had been interfering annoyingly quite often in my life nowadays. And had been criticizing the way I lived.
I don't know if it was coincidence or that fate was playing tricks on me.

It was quite a medium day (wth is a medium day? idk. just feel like sayin it). In this day, another SIC student flew to Indonesia. SIC is truly getting lonesome. I mean, I think the rate of the students couldn't possibly reach to 50. So pathetic.



THURSDAY, 140509
Went to Zacky's home and watched Push, together with Rani, Helmy and Auli. It was sorta the start of a regular ritual of a tiny friendship.
But it was a droning movie. I spent half of the time smelling the exquisite odor of the person who was sitting next to me.

SUNDAY, 170509
A small seminar and dialog about 'Student's Motivations to Success' was held at school, it was kinda boring, and I frequently went astray from what the moderator was saying. But it was also useful, to certain listeners.
Right after that, Zahra invited a certain people (including me, yay!) to her small farewell party at KFC. She'd been so kind to me, that I felt really sad of her leaving for Indonesia.
Right after that, we gathered at Zacky's again and watched Knowing with the same people I've last time watched with at Zacky's. It was certainly better than Push, but it wasn't impressive, although the visual effects was undeniably striking.
Mom's big sister had arrived today all the way from Indonesia. She passed a few of traumatic incidents, but she still seemed tolerant and humorous. She's got the teen spirit. That's why I adore her. She's alot different from mom. Who has the strict-in-everything mom spirit.

MONDAY, 180509
Zahra had gone to Indonesia. All of the students went to the airport to wave her goodbye.
Already missing you here, Ra.

Ate at Chillis, celebrating mom's birthday. Happy birthday, mom.

Because I already feel sleepy.



I'm as busy as a bee.
But I kinda like it. Not having to spend humdrum days at home. Only sleep deprived.

Anyway, I have another Fashion Show to go. I've no idea when's it gonna end. I don't hate it, it's just boring. You know, my job is only to walk on the catwalk (like a walking cat). My job is only being a catwoman. Now, where's the fun in that when you have to wear a Bali costume and not looking any nearer to Halle Barry?
But I took it anyway. By force. Ahem.



I think my blog link is no longer safe. I mean, I think everyone's able to read it now. And I also think that Hey Monday has read it already, and that he knows that he is Hey Monday. And off the record, he got this new spiky hairstyle that doesn't really fit with his face and made him become NOT that good looking anymore. HAH! EAT THAT!!
You know, his silent treatment to me has become a routine that I'm used to it already.

Midsemester exams starts on Sunday till Wednesday. Four subjects a day. The most harsh, injustice, callous exam schedule i've ever faced. THAT CURSED PRINCIPAL!!!!
Pray for me, guys, will ya?

I chatted with my ex yesterday, most of the conversation was filled with him telling me how he had been hypnotized and mesmerized by a girl out there, and that he's planning to start a quixotic relationship with her, even though she's two years older.
No, I'm not jealous or anything. I'm just relieved that he has moved on. And so have I.



- Fashion Show is over and had gone smoothly. But all the while, I'm already missing the times we've been working our ass off just to walk properly on stage and playing billiard while waiting for our role.
And that Bali traditional wedding dress? I wanted so bad to keep it. No, not to wear it everyday. Just a memento.

Please don't laugh.

- I've got mid semester exams coming up next week. All of the fucking sudden. And I still have no knowledge on their chemistry, their economy, their geography and their sociology. Yes, I'm doomed.

- Sadam and Ochan asked me to join their band on this specific Coldplay's, The Scientist, handling keyboard. But this plan's always delayed due to various circumstances.

- I'm still single, with no crush.

- I need new sneakers.

- I became a fan of Alicia Keys, George Winston, volleyball and Indonesian traditional dances.



I had just spent the most unforgettably busiest Thursday of my life at school.
So instead of spending the day educationally like always, the principle announced the day before that we're gonna take the day arranging school's facility, replacing it with brand new ones (which is by the way, an incredibly good news), and moving the entire gazillion books in the library to another room (which is on the contrary, dog-tiring, but teamwork was amazing O.O).



I miss manipulating photos on Adobe Photoshop.
It's neither because I don't have time, nor because of my mind currently out of creative ideas. I'm just lazy, that's all.

I don't feel like going to school tomorrow. I take physics every Sunday and you know how I feel about it. Physics = eternal enemy. Also, the teacher sucks. He hasn't got any sense of humor and he gets mad incoherently whether I answer his questions or not. And gets pissed if I answered wrong. Hey Mr., people make mistakes!

My brother is ill. He has the runs and pukes like three times a day. Doctor says he has some microbes wandering around his body and it's all because he ate spoiled crabs for lunch the day before. And he has to take a few hypos. You can imagine how he cried out of his eyes when heard that. But he managed, anyway. Brave lil brother. Bravo.

My best friend's birthday is just 17 minutes away (if, my calculation is accurate). She said she's gonna hold a small party, not as big as last year. I've no idea what to buy for her. Besides my penniless wallet, I'm completely clueless when it comes to buying birthday presents, even to the closest person on earth.




Yes, I'm still loving the band Hey Monday, even though I hate the guy I named after the band's name.

Readers (if there're any), long time no read.
I've been totally frenzied with this Fashion Show crap thingy. Of which I have to wear a traditional Bali wedding dress, which looks more like a table cover wrapped around my gangling body. But I should admit that this thing is sort of amusing.
Besides that, I had been studying periodically, getting myself ready for any upcoming pop quizzes. Yes, you caught me lying.
I've been lethargic. Sitting at home like a frozen statue and everyone around me fidgeting around the house rubbing dust off. Maybe that's why I wasn't allowed to go out. But my ex had been entertaining me unintentionally despite the constant disconnection of my feeble wireless, and I already felt grateful. So rare of him to do that. LOL.
I had just watched Slumdog Millionaire. Omg. I never thought that any movie filmed in India would be exceptional, and win an oscar! Bloody terrific. Absolutely worth to see.

What else has been going on in my tedious life?
Just off the record, eversince I transferred school, I feel that my life isn't as monotonous as how it used to be. Cuz everyday I get to face challenges at SIC. Like, I learned playing volleyball, badminton, table tennis, billiard, microsoft excel (uncategorized but whatever) and thousands other things. I made friends with people I frequently met in my whole life in Cairo and misjudged from afar.
Unpredictable, yet enthralling.

By the way, so many people have birthdays in March. There's my ex, my dad, my best friend, my ex-classmate, my so-called crush (no, not Hey Monday, Hey Monday's disintegrated), Nashe, my anniversary with my ex (LMFAO) and more others. It's like all of those I cherish are linked, having something in common.

Off to bed. Band practice tomorrow.



I'm a fucking idiot.
This blog contains all private and personal feelings I endure. And being exposed to someone, who I never rarely mention everyday of my life, is exceedingly an ultimate mortification. It's like my clothes are being taken off by someone who I've been secretly having a fantasy of making love with.
Come on, it's a metaphor.
Thanks to my thoughtlessness, I forgot that I once had put my blog link in my facebook. At that time, my blog was inactive. So to my idiocy, I just typed it there in the contact info part. Months later, my blog is filled with my daily delicate rantings.
I mean, what if Hey Monday has read it already? That would be a logical explanation according to his recent ignorant manner. But I doubt that he would open my facebook profile, or even read my info. He's not interested, remember? 'Kay, this is pathetic and painful.
An amount of gratitude I pass to my ex, who I expect, will be reading this crap.


I skipped school today for the first time. I woke up and saw that it's 7:56 AM. And figured that I'm not gonna make it. So I drifted off to dreamland.



- I was being told by my ex that he drinks alcohol.

- I sobbed when I heard that.

- Later, he asked me to go back to him for the umpteenth time.

- I thought about saying 'okay'.

- But then I said no.

- He begged.

- I told him I like it better when we're friends.

- He begged again.

- And I said a final no.

- He replied with a thanks, for rejecting him for the umpteenth time.


- Hey Monday, we don't talk anymore. We don't even say hi to each other.

- I just realized that he's close with my ex's ex, who fancies him truly, as she confessed to me.

- I'm happy for them. Really happy. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

- My ex says, SIC students and alumni don't really like Hey Monday. He says he's too superior and conceited.

- What he says is true. At least about the part 'people despise him'. Cuz he didn't seem superior when I hung out with once to Top Toys. Ah memories.. LOL.

- Honestly, I don't fancy him anymore. He's off my list. No, not because people aren't into him, but because he's not worth it. Why would I wanna waste my time liking someone who isn't even aware of my presence?


- My friends are being... what's the word? Discriminative.

- And prejudice.

- I hate it when they're being like this. They don't even know those people, yet they claim that they hate 'em once they show up.


- I get to be a model of some Indonesian Fashion Show.

- They must be blind, applying a person who is suffering anorexia *self-reference*.

- But after considering the honor, I'm immediately interested.


- I got 90 in maths.

- and 80 in history.

- and so, my classmates think I'm a super-genius nerdy bright knowledgeable intellectual girl.

- Well, their assumption will turn out wrong on some other subjects.


- Meet my new best friend at SIC, Rani.

- I just needed to show you that I'm settled.



Liking someone is truly a burden. You get to be let down all the time. Configure the consequences. Face your competitor. Check your feelings if they're genuine or not.
I've become addicted to his presence, to his kindness and sweetness, to his permissions. One from it is unavailable, then.. BANG! I find my heart crushes to pieces. Spoiled. Irrational.

I'll just run to the point cuz I'm no good at doing what I was doing.

Hectic week.
I've been up to my neck. Busy learning and playing music with unsettled bands.
Pop quizzes which exploded my mind.
People who wasted words tryinna mess with me, but their attempt didn't work as they expected.
Boys who think they're falling in love with me, but truly, they're not.
Crush, who disappoints me everytime he's near, waste of time dreaming of being his *piip*.
Sleep deprived.
Meals skipping.

In SIC (here we go again..), students are divided into groups. There're three. First, second, third group. I'm the second group member. Each group show off their talents in self development class in turns every Thursday. So this week was our turn, and all we did was practice everyday for the role we were supposed to play.
I was the host, pianist, guitarist. Yes, I'm cool (overselfconfident).
Anyway, the performance wasn't perfect, but it wasn't bad either. It was just... plain. Rigid. Gauche. Cuz everyone seemed to act upon because they're told to, not because they wanted to. Everything that comes from the heart is natural and original. And that makes it interesting.

I got four out of twelve in civics quiz. At least it was the average outcome of the quiz at class. The highest mark got was six out of twelve. Hhh nevermind. It's history now.

Talking about history, Hey Monday is now too. I know I still have a little teeny tiny bitsy hope that he would like me. But reviewing his behaviour recently, just tremendously unfeasible. What's he been acting like? I'll tell ya, even though it bites my heart.
He talks to me, only if necessary, that's barely a 'Hi'.
Everytime I walk pass him, he never says a word. KTHXBYE.
Sometimes, he tickles me. But that's.. what? Like three days ago?
My classmate, who happens to be my ex's ex, who happens to be really kind to me, also happens to have a crush on him, or, if using her words, 'falling in love with prince charming'. Disaster. Though I assume he could fall to like her too cuz they're pretty close.
He never glances at me again. That explains it.
The part which crashes me the most is that he doesn't stay long at school. Usually, he comes over just to tutor the juniors and dashes off as quick as lightning. So we never really have time to chit-chat.

One day, I was waiting for dad to pick me up as usual, Hey Monday had left early without saying a word so I was feeling completely down and thwarted, so I kinda acted like a bitch if somebody started a conversation with me, and I didn't bother to draw on hypocrisy. The only method to lighten myself up was to contact my ex. I'm aware that it sounds crazy. What I'm unaware of is that why he always makes me feel better, and how does he do it. Don't say 'it's love'. Cuz that's old.
However, I texted him saying,
wut r u doing?

and after wut seemed like ten seconds, he actually replied,

I'm watching a film at a friend's house. wut is it?

and I typed,

I wanna talk. I'm sad.

and he goes like,

wut is it? spill.

and I spilled all bout Hey Monday, except telling him his real name. And that irritated him alot.

That means you're in love.
Didn't you feel like that when I was around?
Who is he anyway?

he said. After I told him everything.

I don't know. I don't remember.
But I know that I like talking to you, even now.
I don't wanna tell you his name. You'll bark laughing.

FYI, my ex knows Hey Monday. They're not close. But they're definitely not away from each other. They talk and play music together alot.

Oh no. Is it Tom?
Kar, are you serious?

He knows Tom too. And he knows Tom likes me. What he expects is that I'll never accept Tom's hand. But he's a fool to trigger his prediction. He perfectly knows that I'll never take any boy's love who's younger than me, even a year.

Are you stupid or what?
Of course it's NOT TOM!
You're unbelievable.

Who is it then?
I wanna know. NOW.

I'm not telling you.

Then he didn't reply anymore.

The next morning, I chatted with him online. He was as aggravated as the day before, and even more, just bcuz I wasn't telling him the name of the guy I liked. This was really fun.
I did feel better.
And feel even more better while typing this.



God perfectly knows that I fucking love Thursdays. Particularly this one.

I was practicing being a host at school, speaking in formal Indonesian, which was difficult to the max *although all I had to say was 'Assalamu Alaikum' and read a paper*. Anyway, suddenly he appeared. DEG DEG DEG. Y'know, the Hey Monday guy.
Couple of days before, I had been thinking that I didn't actually like/falling for him. He's nice, sweet, whatever, but he's not the only one who's gentle.
But once he shows himself up, I just feel this sort of indescribable emotion, like, I just wanna chat with him about anything in everything while looking into his eyes which is kinda gray-coloured. Mysterious. LOL.
So anyway, where was I? Right, he appeared while I was standing in front of a big mirror practicing, he didn't say hi or anything. At times I stared at him and when his eyes flickered to mine, I turned away. Truly awkward. But fun.

Anyway, I was waiting for Dad *who was still in Alexandria* to pick me up, so I sat at the stairs. He showed up later when he'd just finished tutoring guitar. None of us said a word. He sat just a few meters away, headset in his ears. I was putting headset too, and out of the blue I just sang what I was hearing, Taylor Swift's Love Story
"cuz you were romeo I was a scarlet letter..
and my daddy said stay away from Juliet..

"You like Taylor Swift!" he exclaimed all of a sudden.
"Yeah, well."
"Which album have you got?" he asked.
"Is that the first or the second one?"
"I dunno. I don't pay much attention to albums."
"I see."

A few minutes later..

"Why are you still here? Everyone's gone home," he said.
"I'm waiting for my dad, he's picking me up, he's still in Alexandria, and it takes 2-3 hours to reach Cairo. How about you? Why are you here?"
"That sucks. I'm waiting for Haisam *his buddy*."

It was getting dark and I was bored from sitting. So I stood up and walked to the playground. Bunch of seniors were playing basketball.
I wanted to sit on the playground's stairs, but it was wet, so I leaned to a wall.
He appeared again later. And stood not faraway.

"You don't play?" I asked him.
"Nah. I don't like basketball."
That was something.
"Really? Weird."
"*laughing* Even when I was at SIC, I never played. It's harsh."

Couple of minutes later, I checked the stairs if it was still wet or not, it got dry, so I sat, and he momentarily sat behind.
We watched, got bored. And to my surprise..

"Wanna go to Top Toys? *a shop that sells unique stuff, especially in the atmosphere of Valentine*" he asked.
I thought for seconds.
"Yeah okay, I'm stinking bored here anyway."
"Me too."

Top Toys is just meters away. So all we did was walk and talk. We talked about whatever, just not to make it awkward. He asked where, when, I was born. He's 21, by the way. And I'm 16. Shit.
He asked me stuff, like which university am I gonna apply, what's it like for me at SIC *he's a SIC alumni*.
And I, asked him frivolous things, like when's he going back to Indo *he doesn't know and he wants to stay in Egypt longer, although college sucks*, does he have a girlfriend *no he doesn't. YAY. LOL*, and so on.
We joked too. He was kinda humorous. He knew how to make a laugh without crispiness. His voice is soft, low. Frequently he said something and I just didn't quite hear and told him to repeat. He never minded, though.
Everytime I sang, and if he knew what song, he would complete the lyrics and sing it with me. He's incredible.
His eyes are sorta gray. Not normal. I've never seen any of those eyes before, yet it kinda dazzled me.
He's tall and lanky. But his sense of style covered it, with his casual way of clothing.
At the shop, he was reaching for a monkey doll that sings, when I told him, "we're like fools, looking for valentine gifts with no one to give."
He pushed the "on" button on the monkey's hand and said, "who cares? It's up to us. Suka-suka kita dong," and smiled.

After staying long at Top Toys, he asked if we could go to another similar shop that I forgot it's name. I said sure.

On the way, he got to know more about me. I was quite surprised with myself too, cuz I told him things that I don't usually tell anybody. Such as, I can't ride a two-wheeled bike, he laughed when I told him that, but not exaggeratedly. And the fact that I'm scared of cats, that's a weakness, y'kno.

I think that's enough of Hey Monday.
Oh, right. He likes Lady Gaga. Man, he's awesome.


My ex wanted me back.

He said, "why don't we go back together?"
"Why're you suddenly saying that?" I asked.
"I still like you," was all he could reply, and it wasn't enough.
"Believe me, you don't like me, you're just liking me."
"No, I like you forever." Like hell right.
"I don't wanna build a long-distant relationship. So let's just be friends."
"Okay. I won't compel you."



Remember Tom? He said to me, "Kauwrinah, I really really like youh," on the phone, loudspeaker, in front of his buddies.
And after a couple of days, he started acting weird by being so fully over-protective.
God, I hate this. Please get rid of him.


Mom's pregnant. YAYY.



I'm excruciatingly worn out.
My mind, my whole body, my heart are tired. I'm fully relieved that I could rest this entire night without limits. Cuz nowadays when I wake up at seven AM and the thing that pops in my mind is "stand up. meet your classmates." and it makes me hesitate, but then I visualize my parents' image, and I begin to carry myself out of bed instantaneously.
Tomorrow is weekend. Hallelujah.
It's nearly a conclusion, that my purpose of transferring to SIC mainly is to please my parents. They wanted me to move. So, I moved. I know they know what's best for me. And I'll just go with the flow.

Okay anyway, I met someone t'day. Oh well actually I talked to that someone. I've recognized him long. But never really shared a conversation or even had any bother to say hello. And today, at self development period (somewhat like art/music class, showing off individual talents) he appeared. He gave hints on music and tutored acoustic guitar playing to juniors.

So I was walking past him and then,
he (suddenly) : "Karina!"
me : "*greeting his name*"
him : "You're a SIC student now!"
me : "Sure, ain't it cool?" *showing off my school pants, foolishly*
him : "Sure is. Are you doing well? Is it hard for you?"
me : *spilling words with obnoxious language when it came to the subjects, esp. in scientific parts*

and so on.

He's really nice. And cool. I sort of like him. He's pretty good-looking too. Hehe. He also helped me fix a keyboard adapter.
He called my name from afar and I turned to look, he abruptly threw something and I panicked but I instinctively catched it before it fell off the ground and I'd be the one to blame, and when I realized what it was, it was his cell. He smiled and laughed on seeing what I did and said, "please fill it's battery."
I was all completely flying *this statement don't signify that I'm on drugs, or alcohol*, that he told me twice. Thrice, I mean.
So anyway, most of the evening I sat staring at his face, and when he turned to look, I look away. HAHAHAHAHHAA.
So much for common teenage crush stories.

By the way, he asked me if I knew Hey Monday. Some group of a cool band. I wasn't really listening, so he asked me twice, again, *he must have thought I needed ear-cleaning*, and I was completely transfixed, cuz Firah, my loyal bud *how can I thank you enough?* had just sent me a song of them a few days ago and I swiftly had a crush on it. But now, since I knew he likes it too, I fell in love with it.
I forgot it's title, so I just sang it to him, and imprudently, I sang the part that said,
"Everything you say,
everytime we kiss I can't think straight,
but I'm okay."

It suddenly felt like it's true. Though it's stupid. Regardless.

And here I am, staying up late downloading each recorded song of Hey Monday.
Ah, life is beautiful without chemistry, maths and physics.



On Sunday night before I was getting ready to sleep, I was interviewing myself about my first day at SIC. It helped, you see.

How was your first day?
Nothing major. It was kinda like every other first-days, only everyone at school recognizes me. The school follows the moving class program.

How did your classmates treat you?
We're only seven people. So it's very few. They're all very nice. Although there were two girls who one of them I once had conflict(s) with and she hated me, and the other who I never really talk to. But they didn't do anything bad or even whisper in front of my face, they also never stared with hatred in their eyes. I kinda feel guilty cuz I expected negative outcomes when they all turned out to be helpful.
I don't talk much with them, but at least when I ask something about anything, they don't ignore me.

How's the subjects? Is it on the same level that you have taken before?
That's my biggest issue. Their physics, maths and biology (and I bet chemistry will join the club) are extremely complicated and it's beyond my knowledge. I couldn't understand both, the lessons and the teachers. Think I'm gonna have to take extra lessons.
By the way, I also took Indonesian Language learning for the first time in my life. I know I could speak, read and listen Indonesian, but since I was born I had never attended Indonesian schools before nor taken any Indonesian curriculum. So it's kinda weird. Not to mention interesting.

Ok that's it. I'm having fun. But I'm exhausted.



was SPECTACULAR in various ways.

Future Language School (FLS)
Nine in the morning

Attending the final-last exam, final-last day (for me) at school. Exam was horrible, don't wanna fuss about it cuz I screwed up. Maybe I deserved it cuz I haven't really been good to God.
Schoolmates were as friendly as they were the first time I had met em. Only, I met the ones who click with me more. I can't believe they were all so bummed about me transferring to another school. I thought they didn't like me that much cuz I rarely blend in with anybody. Just a standout for being a foreigner.
But it was OK for me cuz everyone had been so sweet and loving. And I'll always remember every each of them. So we took photos, not a lot and not enough, cuz I had to go to another place. But we planned going to the movies later at noon.

Al-ola Language School
About eleven

Fadilah called and told me she was at Al-ola, my previous school I'd attended for ten years approximately. Not actually my favorite. But I miss my al-ola friends and teachers. So I thought I'd drop by. But the guards said all of them were on the other branch. We didn't bother, it's too far.

Around twelve

Not very crowded at that time cuz we were early. Bookfair opens once a year, along between January and February, lasts less than a week, sells various books with various languages (but only the major ones) and incredibly various prices according to shops, from the costs-more-than-a-coat to less-than-a-penny. Cheap and used books are usually available in shops built with tent and wood racks and everything's dusty, messy, humid and crowded. We had to walk carefully so we don't stumble anything. But it was absolutely worth going there to buy a book for five to nine L.E which costed hundreds in Virgin Megastore. Fadilah bought a plenty. But I only chose two and bought an interior magazine for my mum.
Fadilah bought mostly the books I wanted to read, so I'd borrow it from her later when she finishes reading it instead of spending money on it just to collect.
We spent four hours browsing in bookfair.

Citystars Mall
Three thirty

I went home and changed. And set off with Fadilah, again, to Citystars -middle east's biggest mall till 2oo8, I acknowledged-
Fadilah was meeting up with her friends in Al-ola whom she became close with (and I hadn't) and I had plans with people from FLS. We split up and decided to meet together again when we're done cuz we had to go to Aminah's family farewell party at the Indonesian embassy, her father was an important guy in the business world and they were flying back to Indonesia, never to return (I sound like one of those narrators in thrillers).
So I met Dina and Shaden and a couple of their friends I didn't recognize but were very nice, especially this girl named Suhaila. And Shaden's lil brother was really cute-looking. We wanted to watch Twilight although me and Shaden had seen it already (and didn't mind seeing it again) but the seats were full, not to mention other movies too. It was everyone's last day of tormenting exams and it was a break season. So we just wandered off and decided a place to eat. Dina, Suhaila and me preferred Sbarro, Shaden and the rest picked Burger King, we intended to sit together, but we ended up in groups. Dina and Suhaila were fun people. As we wandered aimlessly, we judged every face of handsome guys we saw. We constantly bump into people we know. Surprisingly, I met Fadilah's older sister.
We were looking for a present for Noura's belated birthday, and Dad called to say he was already at the party and I'd better be going there now. I told my Egyptian fellows that I had to leave and they were very disappointed, particularly Dina, and promised to hangout again sometime.
I met up with Fadilah at McDonald's and hugged friends of her who I was familiar with, we took some photos and left together. Before exiting the mall, we bought takeaway coffees from Costa to drink in the cab. Cuz it's a long bridge to pass to reach the embassy.

Indonesian Embassy
Around seven

We took off of the cab hurriedly and entered the embassy with an emergency of going to the toilet, and eventually we blended into the crowd and found Sandra (ya kno, the SIC girl who's one of the nice ones), and chatted with her group. I found myself already adapted with plenty of SIC students, cuz most of the night I mingled with them tattering about whatever and teasing each other. I also talked to both of my soon-to-be classmates, not actually talked, just a short converstion like:
Girl 1: 'Heey, here's our brand new classmate!'
Me: 'Hehehehehe'
Girl 1: 'So when're you gonna start?'
Me: 'Err. I have no idea, yet.'
Girl 1: 'Alright then, we have to go, see ya.'
Me: 'See ya.'

and bump into another one:
Girl 2: 'Karinaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.'
Me: (calling her name)
Girl 2: 'How ya doing?'
Me: 'Great. You?'
Girl 2: 'Equally great. We're gonna share classes, right?' (winks)
Me: 'Sure. I have to go now. I'll see you at class.'
Girl 2: 'Of course. Bye.'

Oh FYI, one of my soon-to-be classmates was going to leave SIC cuz her dad was fired or whatever. It relieved me a lil cuz I never got a long with this particular girl, but on the other hand I felt sorry for her.
Anyway, it was a great night. I got along with plenty of SIC people, I shook hands with my new principle and asked his permission of wearing pants not skirt considering the uniform.
I watched my lil brother performed playing drums (he was so incredibly cool, I was extremely proud of him that I recorded every moment of it).

It was spectacular as I had expected. Unforgettable in many words. One of the best days and nights.



Tomorrow is Thursday.
Tomorrow I won't sit at home.
Tomorrow isn't going to be cold.
Tomorrow I'll be going to the movies.
Tomorrow I'm setting off to the book fair, hopefully.
Tomorrow will be an amusing day.
Tomorrow I have Islamic theory exam.
Tomorrow is the last day of infinite tests.
Tomorrow dad will give me an amount of money.
Tomorrow I'm doing anything I want.
Tomorrow, is the closing stage of anguish.

Sunday, it will start all over again.



Zooey Deschanel
I love her, and I love her style in the first one.

Let's be frank, I never liked Egyptian girls. True. Originally, they love doing belly dance, put loads of make-ups exaggeratedly, idolize Arabic singers -making me puke, talk with an oh-so-extremely girlish voice which sounds really pathetic, and have a lame sense of clothing, choosing outfits that outline their plump and flabby silhouette.
You get my point.
But before you assume the wrong assumption, I'm letting you know that nowadays, my point of view towards them are about to alter. Oh well, not completely. Because everyone's different. And I just met different people at school. Just when I was planning to move. Sad. Really Sad.
Let me introduce you to Shaden, Noura and Dina.
Shaden is a half american and half Egyptian girl who wraps her head with scarf like nuns, but in a cool way. Her skin is translucent and she's got freckles like Ronald Weasley. She's very calm and sincere, isn't really the type who frequently blabs incoherently.
Noura is a blondie. She's hot, but she's faraway from feminine. Her features are perfect with each other but she doesn't bother emphasizing her beauty with cosmetics. She's very boyish and she talks brutally. I doubt that she even thinks whenever she talks. She declared it herself, she never really uses her brain. But I extremely adore her kind heart.
Dina is the wildest. Man, she never stops jabbering about almost anything. She recognizes almost everybody at school and almost everybody love her commentaries. Including me. She's very social because she's aware of topics which approximately every teenager tattle, whether it's in relation to movies, music, trips, gossips, boys etc. I feel comfortable with her cuz sometimes I'm a quiet person among Egyptians but D, S and N are the only people at school who just get me wholly.
Tsch. Never thought I'd get along with ppl in this country.

On the other hand, I gained a phony friend who treats me all with her fake niceness and sweetness, but she's a snake under flowers.
Let's not talk about it, it's bad cursing people behind their backs.
In fact, let's not talk at all, I'm tired.



I'm so grateful for having wonderful friends. Particularly big fat thanks for Lynda and Fadilah for doing a tiny birthday surprise party at midnight with all the birthday cake, birthday candles and birthday presents. Hehe.
And thank you for the greetings from everyone, a 'happy birthday' from anybody even from a stranger mean so much to me. Thank you thank you thank you. I can't thank you enough, really.

If you ask me, my sixteenth birthday wasn't really bad, but it wasn't also the best, err as far as I could remember. Yeah well, it's been five or six days since my birthday and every freakin day I have at least one-subject exam.
Finals, endless torment.
Anyway, I didn't celebrate except in that petite sudden surprise.

I have Geography tomorrow. But it's much more merciful than physics. Physics is the core of evil, mind disease. But Geography is really long and takes time, it also bothers me coz it's in Arabic. So I'm not really into studying it, I'm not into studying anything now. I'm enjoying a new game I've been recently playing.
Oh yeah. I'm not even attracted to anything related to fashion, since clothes and accessories in Cairo are lame and expensive, nothing really fits my taste.
But damn. Polyvore shows me stuff I'm craving! See, everytime I see an item, I go like, 'Omg! This one's really cool!' and the next I see another one I'd repeat the same statement over and over inexhaustibly. None of those things really exist in Egypt. Egypt has crappy stuff. Oldies. Crappies.

By the way, we fought. Nate and I. I admit it was my fault cuz he said 'Eh kecil mungil' in an inconvenient situation when I was currently filled with fury, so I roared rage to him accidentally.
He made me bomb.
But puhlease, who started the 'you're-a-stranger-to-me-now' thing first? He'd never say sorry for that. He'd say it directly, 'you're nothing to me.'
Dude, I don't know if you've been anything to me lately. But I apologized genuinely and apologizing to anyone is extremely a struggle for me, so if you could at least appreciate what I did and just get over it, that would be good.
Otherwise leave my soul alone and sing Timbaland's song.



Crap. I forgot where I've put my old Burberry diary! I hid it somewhere in the apartment, but no idea where, I've searched every closet, desk, drawer, practically everywhere, everything.
I'm fully aware that the diary isn't really very important cuz it contains nothing about my pathetic life but the lovey-dovey stuff. Yeah who else but my ex?
Anyway, I scribble in it every two-three months about my constantly vague relationship with my ex (not that we're still together), I started using that diary since I've met him and all my favorite texts and poems he made are in there. Not to mention our entire arguments and sweet memories (which seem so abhorrent now) is fully written day after day. But since we've broken up I rarely opened it. And since it's too personal, I kept the diary locked, and the key's gone now, no idea where but I could always smash-break the lock cuz it's really tiny.
However, it's gone now. And that concludes, whatever between me and Nate is gone too. Past (perfect) tense. But I gotta admit that losing that diary is totally a bummer. If the diary is in my hands now, I'd write down:
Dear diary,
Me and Nate occasionally have conversations now, aside from our miles away distant, I feel like I couldn't start talking with him when actually there're really alot of stuff I wanna talk to him about. Yes I miss him very much but he acts like a jerk and that makes me hesitant. He pisses me off everytime we have the chance to talk and he ruins my peaceful mood. I doubt that he remembers my birthday. Not that I care, or at least trying not to. But seriously, we're still friends and I'm always there to hear his adventures with his new crushes even though it crushes me. He doesn't deserve me. But still, I can't seem to let go of him. Or maybe I just assumed that I love him when I don't..

And so on. I feel like a spoiled bitch. How can anyone say this about a stupid boy? I sound so fragile and weak. And it makes me sick.

I'm supposed to be studying (I say this too frequently nowadays) physics now cuz tmrw is the final. I hate physics. I hate Newton. Why did he have to create those intricate rules and impel me to memorize it when I, not even in my wildest dreams nor my worst nightmare, wish to be a boring physicist setting up mathematical equations on my entire life. Was he really bored back in those days where there were no myspace, friendster and facebook and preferred explaining all those gravitational laws (or law?) I mean, I'd be more than interested to get to know him if he chose to be the creator of myspace, friendster and facebook.
I'm cursing Newton because physics exam has to be on the day my age upgrades a year.

My fate sucks, really, truly.
And Newton sucks more.
Nate is beyond sucker.


TU ME MANQUE, beaucoup really

Egypt feels like Antarctica today without the snow. Thank heavens it doesn't snow here in Cairo. I think my teeth are gonna scattered into pieces resulting from the clutter and freezing and my bones are gonna crash.
I'm over-reacting.
Must be from the cold. LOL.

I woke up at four in the morning as usual (darn, when's this gonna end?) just to study Arabic. I hadn't studied anything and the exam was in three or four hours. And the lessons were just a burden, including Arabic literature, Arabic poetry, Arabic history and all Arabic crap. I kept my patience because this would be my very final-goodbye Arabic exam since I'm transferring to 'another school'(don't know why I'm still not used to saying it).
We had two papers and we took each in separate period, the first one contained Arabic literature and writing, was a piece of pie. Like, I finished it in 15 minutes (not meaning to brag, but that's a record *wink*) when we're given time 1 hour and half, except that part of writing which was about 'Teenagers are the mirror of the Future', I had to write it down in English and translate it word by word. After approximately a decade learning Arabic language, I still find difficulties in writing, so I frequently use that method coz it usually works (just like it did this morning. ahahahah)

Anyway, the second paper included Arabic poem, another literature and grammar. Grammar was never a problem for me. But dang! Poetry and this piece of literature knocked my head off. I squeezed my brain till there's nothing left of it to remember things that I've forgotten. So I wrote anything related to the answer down. I made sure that no question was unanswered, even though I made almost everything up. And.. voila! I wrote something correct after I accidentally heard my utterly superbly brilliant friends jabbering about answering it wrong and let me know the correct one! And voila again! I got it right. HA! Who expected this one coming?

By the way, I was in the playground when all the Arabic chaos had finished, and I passed a group of junior students. And suddenly someone touched my hair gently, and I instinctively turned my head to see who dared to do so, and I faced an Egyptian girl who had a curly brownish hair with glasses covering her round eyes, yeah she was pretty, not a usual feature of a typical Egyptian, then she -all of a sudden- giggled and said,
"Omg! She's so adorably cute!"
and I was like.. and my head was like.. *speechless*
and I immediately thought something like,
"Omg! She must be a lesbo!"
then I ran away, HAHAHAHA.

I'm really extremely sleepy to the max. My eyes are red like newborns *again* and my face is pale (but I can still blush). I might go to bed, but the waking-up-at-four-in-the-morning shit is seriously bugging me. What's with that period, anyway? Azan Subuh is at five.

Gotta go. Geometry final's coming tomorrow. WIZMILAQ. lol.



Man, yesterday was extremely exhausting.

I wrote about my sleeping trouble, aight? So last night I didn't sleep till four in the morning n woke up at seven sharp coz I got plans with Lynda to 'study together' at Beano's. Really, sitting at the cafe in the morning with all the quiet and peaceful atmosphere (except that there were boys sitting behind us laughing like jerks) soothed my head. And I was almost able (if it weren't for those gay boys) to concentrate on studying physics and finished three units with only a cup of cappuccino caramel flavor (which had no taste of caramel at all).
Anyway, after that, I had to go home to change into the school uniform coz I had Arabic Guidance or whatever to catch up, it was optional, but I was really failing in Arabic and the final is on Saturday.

I catched three buses on my way to school. And it was fucking humid. Which felt good coz it's winter and freezing, and I got a short-summer-breeze day.
The teacher gave us instructions in Arabic grammar only, which wasn't doing me any good coz I've already comprehended the tactics since moons ago. The only thing I was falling into was the Arabic literature, billions of words I don't know what the hell it means and I had it hard to understand paragraph after paragraph.
He didn't mention any of the literature section and he looked like he was in a hurry grabbing his sunglasses and his too-many three phones (he's an important instructor in Arabic sector), so I didn't bother to ask and decided to ask dad's help in that.
I was thinking of what to do at home when I was on the way and I thought of why not go to the park just to take pictures. I hesitated because I normally don't like hanging anywhere without a company. But I hate to be alone at home more when I have nothing to do but staring at nothing. Geez nothingness bothers me. So I phoned Lynda. She suggested going to Cilantro instead of the park. I thought 'two cafes in one day? I must be frittering money away sloppily' but what the heck. Besides she wanted to study there. So off we went.

Later, I went home at eight night. Nobody was back. So I played internet for awhile and started to feel all lethargic. I got so happy and hoped I could sleep and wake up in the morning shining. Anyway, I did manage to sleep, but it was kinda uncomfortable coz I was slightly awake all of a sudden every one or two hours. But then I force myself to drift off again. Till four in the morning, I couldn't sleep again.
Seriously, exasperating.
Fine, I thought, what the heck I'm gonna play Zoo Tycoon till I get drowsy. Didn't work +_+
So I'm still awake while I'm typing this. I think I need a consultant. PFFT.

Damn. I really miss Nate. Wonder what's he doing.



Is it my bad luck, or is it fate that every year my birthday must always be in the middle of the fucking finals?!
Oh well, I don't celebrate my birthdays anyway since I was twelve, I think. But still, I just wanna sit around my friends on the day I'm getting old. Not taking some excruciatingly intricate physics exam! I just 'can't hardly wait'.
I can't believe my age is getting on every year and my body isn't even nurturing. What the hell is wrong with my body, I wonder? I gain weight, and the next day I lose it. HHHHHH maddening.

I fancy lomo cameras. Especially the Holga type. Lomography accentuate casual and spontaneous photography. Snapshot, blurring, 'happy accidents'. Not to mention I recall they have a motto, sounded like 'Don't think, just shoot.' It suits me because I hate thinking. But I doubt I would find it here in Egypt. Coz things here are either just too modern or waay too classic. And unquestionably too pricey. Besides, I don't think dad would let me buy one. Unless if I saved money. Come to think about it,.... Nah. Not likely.
Talking bout saving things.. I've been collecting posters lately. And stole some from the magazines at the school library (I just couldn't resist cutting out Panic! At the Disco's), I've also been planning to dangle them on the wall, but everytime I'm idle I just prefer doing something else even though I thought about doing it.

It's 5 AM. My sleeping time is very unusual recently. Following vampire rules. (Not involving Stephanie Meyer's blood-drinkers). I sleep at the day, and awake at night. No coffins or bats, thank heavens.



The reason why I've converted the layout, because my acquaintance Crystal used the same former layout. No offense, Tal, and nothing personal. I just feel bizarre drawing on the same layout with anybody nearby.

It has been almost like forever since I've opened my deviantart. Feel free to criticize, comment, fave, whatever you wanna do. It's musty anyway.
I really miss toning, texturing, editing, cutting and pasting in Adobe Photoshop. I feel like I'm not capable anymore. But I know once I open the program and have an illustration stuck on my mind, I will work it out, like playing a song you haven't played for awhile, you know.
I'm suddenly interested in showing off some shots. Just so you people recognize my utterly cute, lovely, glowing face. HA! Talkin bout over-confidence.

this is how I really really really look like

yes, this is how I look like after the plastic surgery. ha!

this is my most favorite photo-manipulation

these are my best friends at home

this is the geeky brother and the charming sistah

these are the two most precious people I cherish since I was born

left to right: Nuriya the most mature, Lynda the most moody, me the prettiest (as if), Fadila the most chatty, Deedee the most serene, Putri the coolest
(I'm being generous, because I've uploaded this image even though I don't look good *tongue out*)

last but not least... my dearly-loved husband. i loves him forever, and neither you, nor you, knows how much he means to me. hahahhaahah


The Unique Award. *deliberate

Got this from Firah. Love ya babe. *smooch*
I've been missing alot of 'homeworks' and tags. So this one comes first.

The Rules :
1. Pajang award ini di blog anda!
2. Beri judul "The Unique Award" pada judul postingan anda!
3. Jawab 3 pertanyaan ini !

. Benda unik apa yang lo punya ?
hmm. pengen sihh

2. Apakah elo mengoleksi benda-benda unik ? kalo iya sebutkan apa saja !
nykp gw punya banyak th...

3. Apa penyebab elo bisa membuat dan mempunyai blog yg 'unik' ini ?
jajajajajajah karna yg punya orgny 'unik'

4. Berikan award ini kepada blogger lain yang mempunyai blog unik seperti punya lo ! (boleh berapa aja)
Wildo, Hasna, Lynn, Crystal, Inez. i think the rest has got it already.



New Year's Eve
First and foremost, I wanna say happy new year 2009!
Frankly, 2008 wasn't satisfying, but I'm thankful to God that I'm still inhaling and exhaling healthily *I assume* till this day to rejoice this new year. So many memories, so many (new) people interfered in my life, so many new personalities I gained in 2008. And hoping for the same and even better in 2009.
Okay, I'll quit being all formal and ceremonial.

1. Be a better person.
No idea how, but will figure it out. Thanks for friends who were *and still* willing to help by bursting out my bad attributes.
Try to be a lil more religious, meaning try to the utmost, pray five times a day and murmur God's name frequently.

Stop talking about people's peccadillo *I admit that's harsh* behind their backs *how? No idea either.*
Okay, you get it.

2. Study hard.
Not what I had in mind but can't find what else to 'resolute' since it only revolves on number one.
Since I'm transferring to SIC, positively, I should be gingering up with the subject matters especially when most of them are in Indonesian.

3. Keep contact.
With friends abroad. Because lately I grasp I've been a loner that for them it looked like I had lost interest. Except to one particular person. Not gonna clarify.

Okay mainly, I'm gonna need to renew my personalities to be enhanced and if I botched, I'mma have stick with who I am now, which I don't know who. Whatever *sigh

Petite Affirmation
Without letting you know the pros, I declare that I will transfer to SIC *all too ceremonial again*
I've made my mind up last night when I went for the new year's eve party which was held in the Indonesian Embassy. At first I didn't wanna go because I had plans spending the new year with my friends whom I was positive weren't heading to the embassy. But mom and dad compelled me.
Of course, the entire SIC were celebrating there and I wasn't close with any of them, but a few are really nice people who don't mind an outsider *like me* hanging out with them.
I waited in the picket room so by the time my friends had arrived to pick me up, the process would only take awhile.
The sound of the door opened startled me and interrupted my quick thoughts. Sandy (SIC's principle's first daughter), Adam, Gale and a girl I didn't recognize, came in. They're SIC students but the ones who are okay with me, but I didn't know about that girl.
Sandy and Adam were very surprised to see me and went frenzy. It's what I really like about them, not being hypocritical like others. Gale's a calm and shy boy, and has always been like that *at least in front of me* but I never minded as long as he respects me. The other girl turned out to be a sweetie, her name's Raven, she said she'd heard about me and she treated me equally. But I couldn't help but wonder what she'd heard.
Anyway, Adam said the party was prosaic because parents were doing lame karaoke parties and they couldn't stand it, so they decided to have a walk alongside the Nile since it's just around the corner. They invited me so I agreed.
We took photos and chatted vaguely and laughed at silly things *specifically at Adam* It was one experience I've never had with people from SIC *my ex is a one exception* Because mainly, we don't live in the same street since we were born and so there's like a barrier between us making it impossible for us to have a bond. Not all of the SIC people could see that barrier, or possibly ignore it's presence, people like Sandy, Raven, Gale and his sister, Adam and.. *with complete deliberation* my ex.
We were all too tired and freezing cold from wandering so we walked back to the embassy. I hesitated on the door but Sandy said it was okay because she, Raven and Adam would stick with me. So I entered with vacillation and, as predicted, SIC students scattered everywhere. But later, the weird thing was most of them greeted me after I blended, and they look... relaxed, like I wasn't a burden. Of course my soon-to-be classmates treated me like a statue, except one though, her name is Cameron, she's always been kind to me in a teasing way. While she was hugging me, her other friends looked away avoiding meeting their eyes to my direction.
Raven called my name to sit next to her and there were SIC students surrounding her and so I sat there and talked with them. Surprisingly, they suddenly asked me if it was true what they had heard about me shifting school, I said 'yeah. Probably, but haven't made the decision yet.' They asked what's the problem and I replied with all fakeness 'I think I won't blend with the uniform since all of you guys wrap your heads.' I managed to smile, then all their reply was 'don't worry, you don't have to wrap yours. We'd love it if you settled with us!' they smiled back sincerely and I decided to stop giving excuses which closely seemed related to the cons of transferring. Then I thought, yeah, what is the problem, anyway? They all seem to approve my attendance around them, and kindly offer assistance. Then the soon-to-be my classmates' image appeared and I found myself not caring a hang.