- I was being told by my ex that he drinks alcohol.

- I sobbed when I heard that.

- Later, he asked me to go back to him for the umpteenth time.

- I thought about saying 'okay'.

- But then I said no.

- He begged.

- I told him I like it better when we're friends.

- He begged again.

- And I said a final no.

- He replied with a thanks, for rejecting him for the umpteenth time.


- Hey Monday, we don't talk anymore. We don't even say hi to each other.

- I just realized that he's close with my ex's ex, who fancies him truly, as she confessed to me.

- I'm happy for them. Really happy. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

- My ex says, SIC students and alumni don't really like Hey Monday. He says he's too superior and conceited.

- What he says is true. At least about the part 'people despise him'. Cuz he didn't seem superior when I hung out with once to Top Toys. Ah memories.. LOL.

- Honestly, I don't fancy him anymore. He's off my list. No, not because people aren't into him, but because he's not worth it. Why would I wanna waste my time liking someone who isn't even aware of my presence?


- My friends are being... what's the word? Discriminative.

- And prejudice.

- I hate it when they're being like this. They don't even know those people, yet they claim that they hate 'em once they show up.


- I get to be a model of some Indonesian Fashion Show.

- They must be blind, applying a person who is suffering anorexia *self-reference*.

- But after considering the honor, I'm immediately interested.


- I got 90 in maths.

- and 80 in history.

- and so, my classmates think I'm a super-genius nerdy bright knowledgeable intellectual girl.

- Well, their assumption will turn out wrong on some other subjects.


- Meet my new best friend at SIC, Rani.

- I just needed to show you that I'm settled.



Liking someone is truly a burden. You get to be let down all the time. Configure the consequences. Face your competitor. Check your feelings if they're genuine or not.
I've become addicted to his presence, to his kindness and sweetness, to his permissions. One from it is unavailable, then.. BANG! I find my heart crushes to pieces. Spoiled. Irrational.

I'll just run to the point cuz I'm no good at doing what I was doing.

Hectic week.
I've been up to my neck. Busy learning and playing music with unsettled bands.
Pop quizzes which exploded my mind.
People who wasted words tryinna mess with me, but their attempt didn't work as they expected.
Boys who think they're falling in love with me, but truly, they're not.
Crush, who disappoints me everytime he's near, waste of time dreaming of being his *piip*.
Sleep deprived.
Meals skipping.

In SIC (here we go again..), students are divided into groups. There're three. First, second, third group. I'm the second group member. Each group show off their talents in self development class in turns every Thursday. So this week was our turn, and all we did was practice everyday for the role we were supposed to play.
I was the host, pianist, guitarist. Yes, I'm cool (overselfconfident).
Anyway, the performance wasn't perfect, but it wasn't bad either. It was just... plain. Rigid. Gauche. Cuz everyone seemed to act upon because they're told to, not because they wanted to. Everything that comes from the heart is natural and original. And that makes it interesting.

I got four out of twelve in civics quiz. At least it was the average outcome of the quiz at class. The highest mark got was six out of twelve. Hhh nevermind. It's history now.

Talking about history, Hey Monday is now too. I know I still have a little teeny tiny bitsy hope that he would like me. But reviewing his behaviour recently, just tremendously unfeasible. What's he been acting like? I'll tell ya, even though it bites my heart.
He talks to me, only if necessary, that's barely a 'Hi'.
Everytime I walk pass him, he never says a word. KTHXBYE.
Sometimes, he tickles me. But that's.. what? Like three days ago?
My classmate, who happens to be my ex's ex, who happens to be really kind to me, also happens to have a crush on him, or, if using her words, 'falling in love with prince charming'. Disaster. Though I assume he could fall to like her too cuz they're pretty close.
He never glances at me again. That explains it.
The part which crashes me the most is that he doesn't stay long at school. Usually, he comes over just to tutor the juniors and dashes off as quick as lightning. So we never really have time to chit-chat.

One day, I was waiting for dad to pick me up as usual, Hey Monday had left early without saying a word so I was feeling completely down and thwarted, so I kinda acted like a bitch if somebody started a conversation with me, and I didn't bother to draw on hypocrisy. The only method to lighten myself up was to contact my ex. I'm aware that it sounds crazy. What I'm unaware of is that why he always makes me feel better, and how does he do it. Don't say 'it's love'. Cuz that's old.
However, I texted him saying,
wut r u doing?

and after wut seemed like ten seconds, he actually replied,

I'm watching a film at a friend's house. wut is it?

and I typed,

I wanna talk. I'm sad.

and he goes like,

wut is it? spill.

and I spilled all bout Hey Monday, except telling him his real name. And that irritated him alot.

That means you're in love.
Didn't you feel like that when I was around?
Who is he anyway?

he said. After I told him everything.

I don't know. I don't remember.
But I know that I like talking to you, even now.
I don't wanna tell you his name. You'll bark laughing.

FYI, my ex knows Hey Monday. They're not close. But they're definitely not away from each other. They talk and play music together alot.

Oh no. Is it Tom?
Kar, are you serious?

He knows Tom too. And he knows Tom likes me. What he expects is that I'll never accept Tom's hand. But he's a fool to trigger his prediction. He perfectly knows that I'll never take any boy's love who's younger than me, even a year.

Are you stupid or what?
Of course it's NOT TOM!
You're unbelievable.

Who is it then?
I wanna know. NOW.

I'm not telling you.

Then he didn't reply anymore.

The next morning, I chatted with him online. He was as aggravated as the day before, and even more, just bcuz I wasn't telling him the name of the guy I liked. This was really fun.
I did feel better.
And feel even more better while typing this.



God perfectly knows that I fucking love Thursdays. Particularly this one.

I was practicing being a host at school, speaking in formal Indonesian, which was difficult to the max *although all I had to say was 'Assalamu Alaikum' and read a paper*. Anyway, suddenly he appeared. DEG DEG DEG. Y'know, the Hey Monday guy.
Couple of days before, I had been thinking that I didn't actually like/falling for him. He's nice, sweet, whatever, but he's not the only one who's gentle.
But once he shows himself up, I just feel this sort of indescribable emotion, like, I just wanna chat with him about anything in everything while looking into his eyes which is kinda gray-coloured. Mysterious. LOL.
So anyway, where was I? Right, he appeared while I was standing in front of a big mirror practicing, he didn't say hi or anything. At times I stared at him and when his eyes flickered to mine, I turned away. Truly awkward. But fun.

Anyway, I was waiting for Dad *who was still in Alexandria* to pick me up, so I sat at the stairs. He showed up later when he'd just finished tutoring guitar. None of us said a word. He sat just a few meters away, headset in his ears. I was putting headset too, and out of the blue I just sang what I was hearing, Taylor Swift's Love Story
"cuz you were romeo I was a scarlet letter..
and my daddy said stay away from Juliet..

"You like Taylor Swift!" he exclaimed all of a sudden.
"Yeah, well."
"Which album have you got?" he asked.
"Is that the first or the second one?"
"I dunno. I don't pay much attention to albums."
"I see."

A few minutes later..

"Why are you still here? Everyone's gone home," he said.
"I'm waiting for my dad, he's picking me up, he's still in Alexandria, and it takes 2-3 hours to reach Cairo. How about you? Why are you here?"
"That sucks. I'm waiting for Haisam *his buddy*."

It was getting dark and I was bored from sitting. So I stood up and walked to the playground. Bunch of seniors were playing basketball.
I wanted to sit on the playground's stairs, but it was wet, so I leaned to a wall.
He appeared again later. And stood not faraway.

"You don't play?" I asked him.
"Nah. I don't like basketball."
That was something.
"Really? Weird."
"*laughing* Even when I was at SIC, I never played. It's harsh."

Couple of minutes later, I checked the stairs if it was still wet or not, it got dry, so I sat, and he momentarily sat behind.
We watched, got bored. And to my surprise..

"Wanna go to Top Toys? *a shop that sells unique stuff, especially in the atmosphere of Valentine*" he asked.
I thought for seconds.
"Yeah okay, I'm stinking bored here anyway."
"Me too."

Top Toys is just meters away. So all we did was walk and talk. We talked about whatever, just not to make it awkward. He asked where, when, I was born. He's 21, by the way. And I'm 16. Shit.
He asked me stuff, like which university am I gonna apply, what's it like for me at SIC *he's a SIC alumni*.
And I, asked him frivolous things, like when's he going back to Indo *he doesn't know and he wants to stay in Egypt longer, although college sucks*, does he have a girlfriend *no he doesn't. YAY. LOL*, and so on.
We joked too. He was kinda humorous. He knew how to make a laugh without crispiness. His voice is soft, low. Frequently he said something and I just didn't quite hear and told him to repeat. He never minded, though.
Everytime I sang, and if he knew what song, he would complete the lyrics and sing it with me. He's incredible.
His eyes are sorta gray. Not normal. I've never seen any of those eyes before, yet it kinda dazzled me.
He's tall and lanky. But his sense of style covered it, with his casual way of clothing.
At the shop, he was reaching for a monkey doll that sings, when I told him, "we're like fools, looking for valentine gifts with no one to give."
He pushed the "on" button on the monkey's hand and said, "who cares? It's up to us. Suka-suka kita dong," and smiled.

After staying long at Top Toys, he asked if we could go to another similar shop that I forgot it's name. I said sure.

On the way, he got to know more about me. I was quite surprised with myself too, cuz I told him things that I don't usually tell anybody. Such as, I can't ride a two-wheeled bike, he laughed when I told him that, but not exaggeratedly. And the fact that I'm scared of cats, that's a weakness, y'kno.

I think that's enough of Hey Monday.
Oh, right. He likes Lady Gaga. Man, he's awesome.


My ex wanted me back.

He said, "why don't we go back together?"
"Why're you suddenly saying that?" I asked.
"I still like you," was all he could reply, and it wasn't enough.
"Believe me, you don't like me, you're just liking me."
"No, I like you forever." Like hell right.
"I don't wanna build a long-distant relationship. So let's just be friends."
"Okay. I won't compel you."



Remember Tom? He said to me, "Kauwrinah, I really really like youh," on the phone, loudspeaker, in front of his buddies.
And after a couple of days, he started acting weird by being so fully over-protective.
God, I hate this. Please get rid of him.


Mom's pregnant. YAYY.



I'm excruciatingly worn out.
My mind, my whole body, my heart are tired. I'm fully relieved that I could rest this entire night without limits. Cuz nowadays when I wake up at seven AM and the thing that pops in my mind is "stand up. meet your classmates." and it makes me hesitate, but then I visualize my parents' image, and I begin to carry myself out of bed instantaneously.
Tomorrow is weekend. Hallelujah.
It's nearly a conclusion, that my purpose of transferring to SIC mainly is to please my parents. They wanted me to move. So, I moved. I know they know what's best for me. And I'll just go with the flow.

Okay anyway, I met someone t'day. Oh well actually I talked to that someone. I've recognized him long. But never really shared a conversation or even had any bother to say hello. And today, at self development period (somewhat like art/music class, showing off individual talents) he appeared. He gave hints on music and tutored acoustic guitar playing to juniors.

So I was walking past him and then,
he (suddenly) : "Karina!"
me : "*greeting his name*"
him : "You're a SIC student now!"
me : "Sure, ain't it cool?" *showing off my school pants, foolishly*
him : "Sure is. Are you doing well? Is it hard for you?"
me : *spilling words with obnoxious language when it came to the subjects, esp. in scientific parts*

and so on.

He's really nice. And cool. I sort of like him. He's pretty good-looking too. Hehe. He also helped me fix a keyboard adapter.
He called my name from afar and I turned to look, he abruptly threw something and I panicked but I instinctively catched it before it fell off the ground and I'd be the one to blame, and when I realized what it was, it was his cell. He smiled and laughed on seeing what I did and said, "please fill it's battery."
I was all completely flying *this statement don't signify that I'm on drugs, or alcohol*, that he told me twice. Thrice, I mean.
So anyway, most of the evening I sat staring at his face, and when he turned to look, I look away. HAHAHAHAHHAA.
So much for common teenage crush stories.

By the way, he asked me if I knew Hey Monday. Some group of a cool band. I wasn't really listening, so he asked me twice, again, *he must have thought I needed ear-cleaning*, and I was completely transfixed, cuz Firah, my loyal bud *how can I thank you enough?* had just sent me a song of them a few days ago and I swiftly had a crush on it. But now, since I knew he likes it too, I fell in love with it.
I forgot it's title, so I just sang it to him, and imprudently, I sang the part that said,
"Everything you say,
everytime we kiss I can't think straight,
but I'm okay."

It suddenly felt like it's true. Though it's stupid. Regardless.

And here I am, staying up late downloading each recorded song of Hey Monday.
Ah, life is beautiful without chemistry, maths and physics.



On Sunday night before I was getting ready to sleep, I was interviewing myself about my first day at SIC. It helped, you see.

How was your first day?
Nothing major. It was kinda like every other first-days, only everyone at school recognizes me. The school follows the moving class program.

How did your classmates treat you?
We're only seven people. So it's very few. They're all very nice. Although there were two girls who one of them I once had conflict(s) with and she hated me, and the other who I never really talk to. But they didn't do anything bad or even whisper in front of my face, they also never stared with hatred in their eyes. I kinda feel guilty cuz I expected negative outcomes when they all turned out to be helpful.
I don't talk much with them, but at least when I ask something about anything, they don't ignore me.

How's the subjects? Is it on the same level that you have taken before?
That's my biggest issue. Their physics, maths and biology (and I bet chemistry will join the club) are extremely complicated and it's beyond my knowledge. I couldn't understand both, the lessons and the teachers. Think I'm gonna have to take extra lessons.
By the way, I also took Indonesian Language learning for the first time in my life. I know I could speak, read and listen Indonesian, but since I was born I had never attended Indonesian schools before nor taken any Indonesian curriculum. So it's kinda weird. Not to mention interesting.

Ok that's it. I'm having fun. But I'm exhausted.