I know I've been down since half of my best friends here in Egypt left for Indonesia. But time heals. And I've become conscious of the people around me, who aren't giving less care than the ones who have left. They may be different people, but as long as they still accept me as a friend, then why can't I just go and have fun with them instead of secluding myself at home and do nothing?
So, I give up. Even though sometimes I still feel strange with them. But then again, strangers are friends whom you haven't met yet.
I still can't understand what love is. But i know I've found one. At least, I found someone who loves me genuinely, so different from the former ones. One of the things I learned from him is that, love doesn't want anything in return.
I know when a guy says "I love you,", somewhere in his heart he expects the girl to say, "I love you too,". And I wonder, do we always have to follow tradition? Honestly, I'd rather say "thank you," than to say that I love him back just to complete the romantic scene without meaning the word wholeheartedly.
But believe me, this one is so different. I'm trapped between "i love you too" and "thank you". So, instead, I became honest and said, "I don't know what to say,". He simply smiled authentically and nearly made my heart melt, and replied, "you don't have to say anything,".
I know, I'm stupid. But whatever, I know he's the truest love, right in the bull's eye. I just know. And I know that even if we're separated by numerous obstacles, nothing can change the way he feels.
I wonder what did I do good to deserve a sweet saint from God? I must've saved someone's life involuntarily. Alhamdulilah.
My family's happiness have become my first priority since I was born bald. They're everything. Simply, everything.
In the past days, we've been having rows at home. But it ended peacefully last night, with open minds and negotiations. They're worried about my social life, and the soon university of my choice as well. I'm worried too. But I'm trying to figure it out here. I'm not staying idle. I'm building connections, digging for information on scholarships and detecting my ultimate interest to finally decide a Goddamn faculty. (I have no idea why I curse everytime I talk about this, maybe I've reached the climate level of frustration).
But I will make it straight, I will decide, I will choose. I'm seventeen afterall, I'll learn to grow up. With the help from my friends, my... soulmate, I guess? And my parents.