9.01.2011

EID MUBARAK 1432/2011



On this blessed occasion, I say to all of my families, my friends, my colleagues, the person who hurts me the most but also gives the biggest joy to my life, to the people whom I just have met and to the strangers I pass by on the sidewalk,

Happy Eid El-Fitr! May all of our prayers and Iman duties we've been carrying out pure heartedly are accepted by Allah SWT.

I apologize sincerely for all the wrongs I did to anyone, whether they were intentional or not, whether in form of deeds or spoken words. Let's end all the hatred and conflicts peacefully, and start a fresh page :)

I don't normally share pictures, but.. ah well :))

me and my grandma,
who's been kindly taking good care of me in Indonesia

me and my cousins,
who are living under the same roof

left to right: my uncle, my ugly self, my grandma, my aunt, my cousins

my... family :))

Okay. Chao.

8.28.2011

PERSONAL RANTINGS #AVOID

Some people never stick to their words.

One day, you spend enjoyable and unforgettable moments with them, even fall for them, and they happen to feel the same way to you too, even promise to never let you go.

The next day, you leave town and they shed tears, even wrote a sweet letter, again, full of promises.

The following week, everything still seems okay. They're still in contact with you, still keeping their words.

The next two months, they're hardly there to spare their time with you, even when they aren't so busy. You just become unworthy.

Yes, that is life with it's bullshit. I'm so tired.

8.24.2011

FOR MY PARENTS

This might turn out to sound like I'm dying. But then, who knows anything about death besides Allah, anyways? The angel of death might just pick me up at any moment without me having to face any symptoms of any disease. So here it goes.

To Baba and Mama.

First of all, with full sincerity and frankness, I'm so lucky to have you both as my parents. Not because I've never experienced having any other parent, I don't need to live with another parent to do comparison. Because I'm deeply sure that no other parents will take care of me the way you did and still do. You are the best parents in the whole universe, and I'm a very blessed child for that.

In other families, people usually express their love to their family with physical affection. Like hugs and kisses. I used to kiss my mom when I was small until I'm in junior high. I stopped kissing her. Why? Not because I don't love her anymore, but somehow it's cause I felt I wasn't good enough, that I could express better than just a smooch on her cheek. I expressed it with helping her in the kitchen, cleaning the house, taking care of my siblings and many other housework to minimize her burden. I also treated Mom as my best friend, I shared stories and so did she. She still does till now. And I know that she always looks forward to our girly conversations. And so do I. Both my Mom and I are nocturnal. Whenever I couldn't sleep in my darkest nights and walked out of my room heading to the living room, I'd see her on the sofa reading interior magazines, and we'd just talk and talk till one of us felt drowsy already.

Ever since I was a toddler, whenever I see my Mom cry, I cry. It still happens until now. The most devastating scene for me is to see my parents cry. I hardly saw my dad shed a tear, not because he was heartless, but because he picked to act like a true family leader, to always look strong in front of his family. To me, my dad was and is a real leader whom I'll always look upon. And I think that was why I wanted him to run for a president when I was really small. And all his reply was "Of course Baba will replace the president next year".

My dad always encouraged and still does encourage me in doing any activities that fit with hobbies. Especially if they were academic. And he knows how to motivate people, inspire them with words mixed with humor. All of my friends who have heard him give a speech have either been inspired or entertained. Or both. Even when I'm a thousand miles away from him like now, he'd still support me with wise words whenever I felt like I couldn't achieve anything. He'd reply my text in not more than five minutes. I'm someone who's easily amused. But not easily stimulated. The one person who can amuse and stimulate me at the same time is my dad.

In truth, even when I graduate university, become the best medical doctor in the world, gain the highest salary every month and send it all to them, bring them on a tour around the galaxy, those... wouldn't be enough to thank them for raising me as i am. And in truth, good parents never ask back for the money they've spent on raising you and on your education, they only want to still be part of your life, to still be treated respectfully, to be taken care of when they've become toothless and unable to walk on their foot, to still be loved in the middle of your hectic life that is filled with work schedules and your new built family needs.

In my case, when my mom will be in her eighties, she'll probably still want to read interior magazine and hopes for me to join her in a girl talk conversation in the living room at late night. And for now, I can only pray to Allah, to not get so completely devoted to my future career and other worldly events and enjoyments, so not to miss my main duty of returning my parents' good and honorable deeds and spend a fraction of my time with them. All that I'm going to achieve in near or far future, are my expressions of gratitude towards my parents.

To Baba and Mama, I love you.

8.17.2011

MIRACLES HAPPEN EVEN WHEN YOU DON'T BELIEVE

After a long struggle and hopeless nights, thanks to Allah, I've finally passed the selection test of Universitas Indonesia in medicine!

Yes, after five years approximately Imma play with people's internal organs and save lives.

It's been such a tough month. I was so devastated when I took the first Simak Test and didn't pass the selection to be a medical student. I've given in to Civil Engineering and I've even started participating in freshmen activities (the period before starting college where you're bawled at, blamed at, insulted and humiliated by seniors). They claim this period as 'adaptation'. Well, I owe this 'adaptation' part and my new engineering friends a lot really because they've made me fall for Universitas Indonesia and frankly, I would have settled comfortably in engineering even if I hadn't passed the selection in medicine. Even before the announcement of the selection appeared, I always smiled proudly whenever I passed the pillar that spelled Universitas Indonesia. To be a part of it, is certainly a personal pride.

But as always, Allah Almighty has given me blessings a lot more than I deserve. Alhamdulillah.

Not long after that, one of my really kindest friends brought me the news that there's another Simak Test referred only to students who are applying for the International Program in Universitas Indonesia, and without hesitation, I applied for it and took the Test. It's still crystal clear in my memory, that when I took the test, I was barely conscious. The test was extremely difficult and I was sleep deprived, so during the test I sort of fell a sleep for seconds and woke up and drifted out again and so on. Finally when the supervisor announced that the time was up and to put all our 2B pencils down (mine was already on the floor), I handed in the paper with complete bleakness, bearing in mind that there was no way I was going to pass this test and that I was already a slave to Civil Engineering.

And a week after that, the miracle final announcement showed up with my name on the list. Alhamdulillah.

I'm also a bit sad because I've already gotten close to colleagues from engineering. I've gotten used to being around them doing a bundle of tasks ordered by the seniors. If I wasn't accepted in medicine, I would've been the only female in the Civil Engineering Class of 2011 International Program. And to me, it could've been a great adventure. Haha.

In fact I'm missing them already since I no longer participate in the 'adaptation' doings.

By the way, I'm currently staying at the university dormitory. It's quiet challenging living so independently like this. And the two toughest problems to me are time management and money saving. I've become such a crazy shopaholic woman since I've arrived in Jakarta.

I basically get so excited whenever I see a discount rate. And you know how it comes out, you just buy everything that's on discount and you eventually reach a really high price. But to me it's totally worth it! And it just occurred to me that my parents back in Cairo are working their sweat out hard to pay for my education, not for my Polos. So I'm really trying to gain self-control here.

They say that waking up is the hardest part. Here I say it literally. Really, I think I have waking up problems because apparently all types of alarm clocks don't work for me. I bet a few of those people whom I've asked to 'ring me till I reject' have regretted to have been friends with me. Hahahahah.

So help me God. Have a healthy life, people.


6.20.2011

NEW LEVEL

This blog totally feels like home. To be honest, I’ve created a Tumblr account a couple of days ago, and despite how simpler than Blogspot it functions, I end up coming back here. Well, I assume it’s mainly because I’ve written most of the important events of my life since how many years it’s been. And it’s a waste to abandon it. And it’s also unfair to Blogspot which has been patiently coping with my teenage drama these whole years. Hehh, I’m sorry I’ve betrayed you, Blogspot.

So, life goes on. And I’m no longer a teenager. I still do act like one though. The difference is that, I’m currently forced to live a lifestyle of a more mature and autonomous person; I don’t live with my parents anymore (although I’m under grandma’s roof, who is the parent of one of my parents), I’m a million light years away from them, I have my own credit card, I’m more careful in spending money, I go almost everywhere by myself in a city I barely recognize and coincidentally reported to have a high percentage of criminal actions, my breasts are getting bigger (what? This is totally part of being mature), and I take care of every academic requirements for university enrollments by myself, and I only contact my parents if I have financial problems. Or mental issues such as feeling homesick. In which, I have been having quite recently.

I’m shifting to a new phase of life now and it still feels unfamiliar. I still long for the life I lived in Cairo, simply because it was home. I don’t know how my classmates –who are also out there admitting to several universities-, have gotten over the strange sensation in a short period of time, while I’m still stuck in it desperately. Although, sometimes a good way of covering it is to hang out in crowded places and look for nice things to buy. There are so many tasty food and unique items available throughout the countless shops and stalls in Jakarta. There are too many of them that they could distract your melancholic thoughts even temporarily.

I just might get over it, I don’t know when.

So here’s my Reaching-For-Success (RFS) Plan, since I’m dying to study medicine, and observing the challenging process of getting into the faculty, I’ve decided to apply for the New Students Selection Exam of Indonesian University, which is famously abbreviated as Simak Test, an excruciatingly difficult test for an average-minded student like me. I’m still very pessimistic concerning it. Reasonably, the highest passing grade falls on the faculty of medicine. Which, is the faculty I’m dying for. Gosh. How can I ever…. Nevermind.

Technically, if I don’t pass that one, I’m also applying for Cairo University. Although, I’m really having second thoughts about it, despite that I’ll be taking the courses in Cairo, with my family, with my familiar sensation. You just wonder that, wouldn’t it be a waste if I spent half of my life in one place?

Anyways, Cairo University is still on the list.

Well, if I don’t get accepted neither in Indonesian University through Simak Test, nor in Cairo University, then I’ll be taking civil engineering of which I'm already accepted in from the beginning.

And I’ll be miserable by then.

Okay it’s getting late and I have an early class of Simak tomorrow. Of which I’m not so looking forward to despite having many friends already.

5.25.2011

PARANOIA

Hello, world.

Ah, that's a boring introduction, too typical. But that doesn't really matter now, because I'm about to write down the major changes of my life right now. It also doesn't matter who reads it or if nobody's reading it, but at least I could remember how my life went on when one day I become an old lady and read this blog of mine.

So, time flies, earth rotates, and I graduate. Yes, ladies and gentleman, I've graduated high school. Although, I would prefer saying I graduated school. Cuz you don't go to school anymore once you graduate high school. (D'OH)

I'm back in Indonesia. Jakarta, particularly. It's been more than a week, and I miss Egypt like crazy! Well quite reasonable because my whole family and the rest of my friends are still living there. It was a hell of a painful experience leaving them. Well, I guess you have to sacrifice some things to achieve success and make those people whom you left be proud of you when you get back.

To tell you the truth, I don't have any single idea on how to achieve success in Jakarta. Everything is freaking complicated, except if your wallet is as thick as your hairs in your armpit. Everything will be processed in an instant with MONEY. Gosh, people are so materialistic here.
Getting into a good university is a hard work too. It's easy of course if you get an invitation from certain universities, like how I got into the University of Indonesia. But I think I mentioned it clearly that the chosen major wasn't really my choice. *sigh*

I want to study medicine. I want to be a doctor who saves lives like in those soap operas. I want to be a doctor so that I could touch people's body.

Okay, scratch the last sentence.

I think, that's the reason why I'm here. I'm taking another university entrance exam to get into medicine. Although, come to think about it, there are better medical faculties in Egypt. I really don't know why I'm here.

Hehhhh. This stage of my life is hard.

Sometimes, you think you're interested in this field but you're worried one day the interest will fade away and you'll get bored and you won't get a job because you feel dull already and all of the years you've been studying is in vain! Oh I'm really sweating hard to avoid that. But making decisions has already been difficult to me. I don't know what I'll become. Who knows if I entered engineering and become a great engineer with a high salary? or if I entered medicine and getting a post is a struggle because people don't really consult with doctors unless it's a serious matter, and I wonder about unemployed and the six years I've been studying medicine are used for nothing?

I feel a bit panicky here.

But maybe, I should just try what's ahead of me now. I'll study engineering. I'll take the exam for medicine. And see what happens.

Wish me a good unpredictable career life.

4.10.2011

WHERE IS MY SELF-ESTEEM

I admit, I have been such a whore. That is the one significant word that would completely describe who I've been recently. No, it's not related to my virginity.

Yes, I'm still a virgin. But a bitch at the same time.

Only, what's truly ironic, the ones who appear to love me, didn't mind that, or maybe they haven't been conscience about it. One person realized it though. And I deserve all the humiliation and sinister looks she's been giving to me. I know that deep inside her, she's a truly nice person. And upon seeing me as not one of her kind... Yeah, that explains.

Through this stage of my life, I've come to realize the meaning of unconditional love with `the help of an anime.

Yes, an anime. A Japanese cartoon. Life can be unpredictably ironic.

I tell you, it's not just any anime. Although understanding the plot requires a high intelligence or lots of thinking, but it actually involves a number of morals and ethics too. That even a moron like me would get the message.

And so, recently, after I've watched a certain episode (specifically, episode 12), I came to realize that the time I've been spending with a particular person, could've been replaced with doing something more... what do you call it? useful? worthwhile? advantageous? whatever, you get the point. Although I couldn't deny that those were blissful moments, but disgraceful.

Apparently, this person seemed to have realized it earlier than I did. How? because he was the one who introduced me to this anime. After an interval of time, we just decided to stop continuing the hidden scandal. And it was a hell of a brilliant idea, which I only realized that now.

But what amazes me, his feelings are still strong towards me. Despite my negative waves, despite all of my disgusting and unforgivable behaviours, despite my continuously crashing crashing down his spirit, despite my idiocy and for not being one of the smartest girls, despite my messy and stupidly daring haircut, he still loves me much more than I love him. For a straight A student and a wise gentleman like him, he deserves a whole lot better than me.

But I'm a selfish person, because if you were me, you wouldn't give up on someone like him either. Not because he fits perfectly in your category of "The Man of My Dreams", but because nobody will love me more than he does.

What a stupid post. I should've used my time for studying. My national exam is in a week.

3.02.2011

CIVIL THOUGHT

I've been wanting to update my silent blog for weeks, but I was always burdened with academic preparations and other issues. I really should be studying right now for the upcoming National Exam which, apparently, causes stress and depression for the entire 12th grade students wherever they are, preparing to face it in this April. Not to mention university enrollments and entrance examinations.

Oh talking about college stuff, I got accepted at the Indonesian University. Major? Don't ask. Civil engineering. Long story.

This is so ironic. A year ago, when I was reading through college majors to predict which one I'd probably be interested at choosing it next year (which, hasn't really helped much in the "next year"), I spotted 'Civil Engineering' and I remembered thinking and whispering "what the hell is this major about? I don't like the way it sounds, there's no way I'm picking this one," and then I said some bad words which I don't think would be proper if I typed it in here.

But, eventually and finally, I faced the fact that I'm about to study how many bricks a particular building needs. Actually, in general, civil engineering studies teach you road, building and bridge structures, airport and harbor constructions, and those other stuff. (what stuff? I have no idea)
Basically, it's curriculum involves applied physics, basic chemistry, 3D drawing (I remember my old sketches of buildings n towers when I was 7, but I don't think they're qualified in this field), etc. (?!)

Okay. I may not know a lot from this major. YET. And I'm a bit scared. But looking on the bright side:

(1) This international system is a double degree (which will certainly be useful for getting a job later on).

(2) For the last two years, I'll be continuing my studies in Australia, a new place to explore. (but that depends on my grades, nevertheless...).

(3) The university has complete facilities, including swimming pools (yaay!).

(4) I can swim in the swimming pool everyday, for free.

(5) They're gonna teach us starting from the very basics. So no need to worry right now. It hasn't even started yet.

(6) A civil engineering graduate friend told me that you don't need to be so bright to survive (survive, he said) in this major, you just need to be freaking diligent.

(7) Dad is gonna be so exhilarated if he has an engineering graduate daughter. And that is enough to make up my mind about this.

(8) Besides, aren't you curious of knowing how many bricks does a building need? Of course you can get the answer from Uncle Google. But he's not gonna let you know the detailed process to the answer, is he?

And all that's left for me to do now is to graduate senior high. Wow, time does fly fast.

2.05.2011

CHAOS IN THE LAND OF PHARAOS

I bet the news is inevitable to hear, that the country I live in and the other Arabs, are currently facing their major modern political issues. You see, the President of Egypt, Husni Mubarak, has been ruling his democratic country for three point two decades. Looks more like an authoritarian country to me. So in consequence, since the 25th of January, his people had been creating a huge demonstration demanding his ouster, reconstruction of the government and changes of law. Tens of thousands of Egyptians protested everyday, particularly at this busy area called Tahrir Square. I tell you, it was chaos.

There were bad people who took advantage of the situation by stealing and robbing public and personal properties, including banks, malls, cars, etc. What's worse, when they were caught by the army one by one (the government didn't send polices on duties at that time, the condition was extremely critical because dozens of the polices were already attacked in the demonstration process, and apparently the culprits weren't even afraid of facing them anymore) and put to jail, thousands of them had managed to escape and spread among the city. Cairo was totally insecure at that moment, the government warned the citizens not to stroll in the streets starting from 3 PM. It was sort of like Zombieland. You know, where the zombies come out at night and eat whoever's wandering around.

Anyways, the Egyptian armies managed to detain 3000 out of the total fugitives. Thanks to the scattering helicopters and tanks of the military service. The robberies and theft rarely occurred after that. But the revolution still went on, despite Mubarak's continuous persuasive speeches declaring numerous reasons of why he still had to stick to his presidential position.

Many Egyptians were affected by Mubarak's speeches, because honestly, they were really convincing and quite logical. So, these people, who are called "Pro Mubarak" stood up for their president by confronting face to face with the "Anti Mubarak" (people who demanded his ousting) in Tahrir Square. The battle left bloodsheds everywhere. Lots of people died and the area was polluted with smokes, resulting from the fires they've made, and stones of which they'd used as a weapon. Hundreds of ambulances picked up the seriously injured protesters and armies tried to settle the riot until it was finally over.

According to the assumptions of my Egyptian mates, the escape of thousands of prisoners' scene and the dramatic show of "Pro & Anti Mubarak" was just a legitimate theater arranged by the government as to distract the protesters and maintain security. It was obvious that the political strategy didn't work the way they'd planned.
But actually, it was true that the situation in the city wasn't safe at all. Because when I was staying up late using my days off from school to its full potential, I heard a gunshot twice and I panicked (give a break for someone who heard a gunshot for the first time in her life, okay?), so I ran off to the balcony and saw a bunch of familiar men -who were also residents in my neighborhood- carrying tools (mainly baseball bats), and they were quarreling while snagging two or three strangers, I couldn't be sure, whom weren't around the neck of the woods. It turned out that the snatched bastards were thieves.

Eventually, after 18 days of demanding Mubarak to step down, he has finally announced his resignation on the eleventh February, and handed over the power to the Supreme Council of Armed Forces, who is a 75 year-old hard-faced bloke. And that was how the authoritarian regime ended.

Of course the Egyptians celebrated this incredible political momentum, which had drastically changed the political history of Egypt.

I went to Tahrir Square to witness the spot of the revolution itself, but I came two days late. So, when I'd arrived, the place was already in an early process of cleaning. But there were still a lot of army tanks and armies themselves, whom unfortunately refused our request of taking a photo together.

There were also posters of people who died in the middle of the revolution, and below their pictures there were written brief stories, as a sign of honor and gratitude. They are now considered as national heroes, of course, known as "Al-Syuhada", which the citizens had "immortalized" it by naming a metro station after it.

What amazed me and most other foreigners who followed the updates of this event was that the Egyptians, unlike any other countries rarely did, cleaned the mess they made in Tahrir Square. They swept the floors, painted the pavements, planted trees and stuff, and other things. Somehow, it proved how seriously they took this matter of their country, and how high the sense of patriotism they had.

Really, as a foreigner witnessing this whole event, is a once in a lifetime experience.