4.10.2011

WHERE IS MY SELF-ESTEEM

I admit, I have been such a whore. That is the one significant word that would completely describe who I've been recently. No, it's not related to my virginity.

Yes, I'm still a virgin. But a bitch at the same time.

Only, what's truly ironic, the ones who appear to love me, didn't mind that, or maybe they haven't been conscience about it. One person realized it though. And I deserve all the humiliation and sinister looks she's been giving to me. I know that deep inside her, she's a truly nice person. And upon seeing me as not one of her kind... Yeah, that explains.

Through this stage of my life, I've come to realize the meaning of unconditional love with `the help of an anime.

Yes, an anime. A Japanese cartoon. Life can be unpredictably ironic.

I tell you, it's not just any anime. Although understanding the plot requires a high intelligence or lots of thinking, but it actually involves a number of morals and ethics too. That even a moron like me would get the message.

And so, recently, after I've watched a certain episode (specifically, episode 12), I came to realize that the time I've been spending with a particular person, could've been replaced with doing something more... what do you call it? useful? worthwhile? advantageous? whatever, you get the point. Although I couldn't deny that those were blissful moments, but disgraceful.

Apparently, this person seemed to have realized it earlier than I did. How? because he was the one who introduced me to this anime. After an interval of time, we just decided to stop continuing the hidden scandal. And it was a hell of a brilliant idea, which I only realized that now.

But what amazes me, his feelings are still strong towards me. Despite my negative waves, despite all of my disgusting and unforgivable behaviours, despite my continuously crashing crashing down his spirit, despite my idiocy and for not being one of the smartest girls, despite my messy and stupidly daring haircut, he still loves me much more than I love him. For a straight A student and a wise gentleman like him, he deserves a whole lot better than me.

But I'm a selfish person, because if you were me, you wouldn't give up on someone like him either. Not because he fits perfectly in your category of "The Man of My Dreams", but because nobody will love me more than he does.

What a stupid post. I should've used my time for studying. My national exam is in a week.