I'm feeling so very dull right now. It feels like I'm living in a world full of apathy, madness, frustration and hopelessness.
At this time, somewhere in the world I'm living, a group of innocent children are dead for being deliberately exposed to toxic chemical bomb. And no one's doing anything about it. Its like, everyone is just too occupied with their lives to put an end to it. Or maybe they're working on it. But hell, if they are, they're kinda taking so long. I don't think this needs to be thoroughly discussed over tea or coffee while more lives are being taken mercilessly.
Meanwhile, just now I watched a show that was kinda like those lottery stuff. Except that they already chose some lady to stand on the stage, show her the car they were about to give her if she won, asked her some questions like, if she was so lucky tonight, who would be the first person to have a ride with her and stuff, and that took like half an hour or so. I can't believe how I stood with it for that long. Anyways, I think she was asked something and then she got the answer wrong because in the end she didn't win the goddamn Chevrolet. What a stupid show. I feel so ashamed to have watched it and to have it aired for the whole people in my country to see it. I don't find the tv shows of my country to be educational at all. I mean, if they want this country to be developed, people have to be interested in the fields that contribute to development of a country. And to raise that interest, the media should play a role by creating shows that promote those areas, to have this generation be introduced to science and technology and be caught by them in amazement so that when they gather in restaurants or coffee shops they engage in a conversation about how the ideas and perspective instead of fussing over people's lives to make themselves feel good about theirs. God I'm so bewildered by the these things but they're really happening.



This year, I'm celebrating the Eid in Jakarta, having it full team with Baba, Mama, my siblings, my grandma, my cousins and all. It's quite nice. With mom being here, my family is somehow united. She's kinda socially smart, she can just make people mingle despite the conflicts they have on one another. There isn't much silence anymore in the house, on the contrary, I often see them all chatting or busying themselves in the kitchen or tidying the house, or quarreling even. Especially with Amira and Yusuf around, who never fail to naturally entertain us with their cute gestures. Yusuf is surprisingly active, beyond my limited energy. But he's still lovely.

I'm rather grateful for having them over. I should be, anyways.

Anyhow, I have to say that i don't really find it pleasant to spend Ramadan in Jakarta. I just couldn't grasp the atmosphere. I mean, I didn't expect anyone would sing 'Wahawi ya wahawi' randomly in the streets or any of them selling Kunafa or 3ataef like it usually is in Cairo. I understand the cultural differences, though I really miss the sounds and smell of Cairo during Ramadan. I had my hopes that people would at least do a little self-introspection, to take a look at how they have currently been behaving to one another and stab people less in the heart and change their attitude or at the very least, minimize on being unkind. I mean, I know I myself am not a true expert at it but I'm resolving it by just shutting my mouth when I feel like I could no longer watch my tongue. It's just so disappointing to still witness angst, envy, malice, greed, deception, and all the sins of which the seven deadly ones (glutton is still tolerable, I reckon, of which we often experience and socially take place during Iftar) haven't taken into account, at a level that seems to be equally seen in months unholy as Ramadan. It's sad to see that Ramadan isn't really significant in this place, that Eid El-Fitr is the day where it is more important to have the ketupat and the cakes ready on the table for the guests and the house decorated, even if it means yelling to your grown-up kids to do it for you, than to sanctify the soul within and fix broken bonds between the souls alive and pray for the loving souls that are dead. If only people would just realize it that being angry doesn't have to be expressed in a monstrous way. And it's so baffling to see people auto-text/broadcast a chain of words of asking forgiveness from people whom they're partially aware they haven't caused much trouble or even socially interacted with and remain unsettled with the ones they've brought pain and pressure, especially when those people are family members or close relatives, people we unconsciously take for granted.

But all in all, I'm still grateful to have been given another chance to have experienced another Ramadan. I feel as though I performed better in the previous ones, but only the Al-Mighty knows how we've all performed on this year's. And so we can only hope and pray that He forgives us for all of our past sins, and may we all be blessed with a prolonged life to meet another of this holy month next year.