Kepadamu, aku di masa depan,

Masa lalu memang terbayang dengan keceriaan dan kebahagiaan yang tulus. Tetapi jangan pernah berfikir, bahwa kau tak akan pernah bisa meraih perasaan itu kembali, hanya karena tantangan yang kau hadapi lebih berat, dan akan semakin berat. Hadapi, pelajari, resapi. Momen buruk, momen indah, setiap detik, menit, bulan, dan tahun akan berlalu begitu saja. Tidak ada yang kekal.

Embrace each and every moment.


I feel so messed up right now. I feel a huge burden over me and I need to face it, but I can't find the strength I need to overcome it. In books and movies, at times like this, family and friends usually lift us up from the weight we bear. It's just that, family is on a different island, and friends.. well, they wouldn't understand because they're not confronting the same pressure. We all have problems, but the thing is, our problems differ from the level of intensity. And what normally sticks around in our mind is that we think we always have bigger problems than anyone.



I'm starting on the metabolic endocrine module. Last week during plenary, we discussed about obesity, particularly in this country. And the rate is quite high, I don't remember the exact prevalence rate but I'm sure to recall that it was above 50% of the population in Jakarta. It's kinda weird because I hardly see obese people, I mean, I can see much who are overweight, but obese? Hmm. Maybe I'm less observant.

Doctors are expected to treat and give therapies to obese patients. Not merely because, as most people may think, it is an aesthetic dilemma, but more importantly because it is one of the risk factors of degenerative diseases. People are highly likely to develop chronic illnesses when they are obese. And it isn't always because of someone's eating habit. Although, genetic aspect may also greatly contribute to the condition. But I'm referring to the diet-induced obesity.

Anyways, it's all weird to me, though. I don't see any point in treating obese patients when the only one in the society who's trying to abate obesity are the health community. It will be endless. There will always be obese people as long as there's junk food stopover in every corner of the street. Unless, if economists, distributors, government, all hand in hand stand against it; stop producing and distributing unhealthy food in the rack of the markets and set a strict regulation on food marketing. Well, if I had the authority and I ordered some people to just ban a certain food company that didn't meet the criteria for healthy food, I'd feel condemned as well, because it means workers in that company are gonna have to quit their job and struggle finding a new one. God, life is a struggle in Jakarta. Well, I guess the only way to eradicate obesity is by educating our people on which food is good and bad to consume. But would people really listen and end the trend of eating junkies? (there'll be no end to that, I guarantee). I guess it's only when each of us are aware that something is bringing us closer to death will then we respond to the wake up call. And eating this mac and cheese everyday doesn't seem to be so life-endangering, anyways.


I was in a frustrated state of mind, watching Amira and Yusuf and sitting with my laptop, when Mama entered the room with a cheerful aura carrying an album. She opened it, her index finger pointed on an old picture of a sad baby, and asked Amira in a very child-like manner,

"Aloo! Liat deh fotonya. Ini foto siapa, kakak?"

Amira laughed and gave away her answer confidently: "Hihihihi itu adik syusup!"

In the midst of disgruntlement, I couldn't help but smile to her cute answer; for I did look like Little Yusuf in that photo.

Mama flicked through the photo album, commenting on every picture excitingly,

"Nih, enna pas belajar tengkurap."
"Ini lhoo, ada mainannya, ada bola, ada boneka, aduh lucunya."
"Ih ini Mama dan Baba lagi foto bermesraan terus enna ikut-ikutan."
"Ini ennanya lagi bilang mamam."

I smiled. But I was torn.

I couldn't help but wonder, if she regret having me. I probably filled her life with joy more when I was little compared to this moment. 

Oh Mama, after all this time I've disappointed you and keep breaking your heart.. Your love has never grown less. It's as same, as intense, as when you first gave birth to me.