And the only reason why I decide to write it all down here is because I feel hurt, and when the psychological pain overwhelms me, I tend to drain it by praying and writing. I used to be a person who talks to somebody about my own problems, but through some experiences I've gone through, I managed to conclude that the best relief comes from doing those two. If I have to talk about it with someone, my mother is the first one on the list.
I met an amazing person, who had turned put to be someone dear to me. Just as other human beings on this planet, he obviously isn't someone perfect. But for the first time, I understand what people say when they describe their significant other doesn't only accept them as who they are, but they're also in love with all the flaws inside of you. Trust me, it's an incredible feeling. To be able to actually talk with someone honestly without worrying about them judging you and knowing that they love you at the same time feels magnificent.
Anyhow, eventually I've come to conclude, that this person might just be the person Allah has destined me to be with. Hoho I admit its so bold of me to say that, guessing His plans. But I just couldn't think of myself being with anyone else. It just fits too much already, despite all the misunderstandings that only lead us to understand each other gradually. And eventually I thought, if I really want to be with him, I have to marry this person. It's the only way I can have him.
So, I ended our relationship.
To some of you, maybe it's a stupid move. But I've convinced myself, that if indeed he is mine, he will be willing to wait until I graduate uni (which is still three years) and ask me again to be with him but in a more appropriate way, a way that matches with the syari'ah of our religion. It took me a long time to decide this, and I can tell you, it was certainly tough to make the call. We've been together for awhile and have grown attached to each other on some level and it's hard to face drastic changes. Its hard to separate when the issue is obviously not on how we feel about each other. But it will get easier, as we gain more trust to what Allah plans ahead for us.
Now I feel better. Alhamdulilah.