1.25.2016

The state of my inner being

The world is monochrome. Everything feels monotonous.

Food I savour taste plain in my mouth, books I love fail to captivate my interest. And sleep, is the only thing I have been keen on. It fast-forwards time and skips the moments of emptiness, though I wake up feeling crappier, thinking that nothing can ever be so entertaining for me today. I have been skipping meals because my brain has perhaps given up on loading my appetite. And because of that, I think I've lost more weight..

Honestly, I don't know what is the problem. What the hell is my problem... Why am I being suffocated with heart-wrenching emotions when I thought I did what was right to do... and my body couldn't even fight back. Its suffocating me and I'm helpless, the only response let out is the pathetic tears rolling down my eyes. Its fascinating, these so-called lacrimal glands, I've used up a lot of what contained in them lately, but they never seem to run out of tears.. it seems to be the only thing working flawlessly even at times like this, when I feel my whole energy is burned out..

I'm in a place, where I used to think nothing could ever destroy my motivation, because I thought occupation would do the job. But now I don't even have enough emotional strength to carry out the tasks I'm supposed to do.. hell, I don't seem to have strength to get out of bed..

I'm young but I'm desperate. 

I just drown in my long naps, and I wake up filling the empty space with tears. I'm torn and I long for things I cannot have.

I never thought, I could ever let myself go through a chronic emotional pain like this.. I don't want to die, but I also lost the enthusiasm to live.