Tonight my tears fall down. A sign of waivering a white flag following a long inner battle between anger, frustration and confusion.

It is not that I'm ungrateful, dear God. I have abundant things to be grateful for at this moment. Yet, I am wondering, how can a place of comfort turn into a muted place? The only sounds produced are doubt and accusations.

I am so certain that we were happy, each of us, us together. I am certain I had felt free; being who I was and the words and emotions I expressed. They were all real.

Many times, I did think I'm the dead weight. Both of us sailed to the different poles frequently that it was him who always had to adjust the wheels. And while he does that, I tell the oceans to set their waves strong and big that they gave you an obstacle. And only when the sea has become calm again that you can sail to me.

But I think I have sent too much waves that you have become so distant. And now you have lost and given up on finding your way to me again.